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filling the void

Thursday, June 30, 2005

The nagging sensation in the back of my mind

I don't like having equal choices.
I find that I have a very hard time deciding between two or more things, when they offer more or less the exact same value to me, and i must choose only one. Choices like that are hard for me.
But when I do make a choice, I do my darndest to make everything work out the way I want to.
I also dislike waiting. Mostly I dislike waiting for pages online to load, the there are other kinds of waiting.
The worst wait is the one you can't control, but none the less have to endure. Like waiting for the train to arrive. You can't do anything to make the train get there faster, and you have no option but to wait, since you can't very well travel when the train isn't around.

Taken together, I'd say I like instant gratification. Not that I can't wait to get what I want, but the sooner it arrives, the better I feel, to a certain extent.

The girl that entered the world of my blog a couple of days ago has been on my mind with increasing frequency these last days. I have spoken to my close friends about the situation, and they all seem to be for it whatever that "it" might turn out to be.
I'm seeing her on Saturday, we're all going out, the amusement park gang. Seeing her Saturday will bring joy to my heart, but things being as they are, I can't help but be a little bit paranoid.

She works at the amusement park, as I did, until recently. This is a place that's swarming with beautiful men and women in an attractive age range. And things can happen very quickly in that place. Entire groups can break up and reform over the span of a day. People making enemies, new friends and new lovers over a 15 minute break.

My problem is this. Since I have decided that whatever we have now might be nice, I want some more, and I'm going to do my best to try to make that happen. But, what I don't like, is the fact that I have to wait another two days for Saturday to come around. Two days in that place is a log of 15 minute breaks, let me tell you. I guess I'm worried that if I don't get there fast enough, I might end up being horribly horribly late.
There's this interesting sensation in my chest now, undefined as of right now, but I'd hate for that to turn into grief and despair because somebody beat me to the punch in these two days.
Especially since she probably has no clue about my current state of mind.
I hate to leave things up fate, but in this instance, i have very little choice.
So I bide my time.
Hoping and wishing that when Saturday comes around, it'll be all I want it to be.
I must sound like I'm about to ask this girl to marry me, but I'm only asking her out on a simple date, maybe not even that, depending.
She's really grown in my mind (not unlike the shadow that's been growing in gandalf's mind, but in a very very good way) these couple of days. I hope things turn out the way I want them to.
I'd be very sad indeed, should I find that I am too late. But then again, if time is the only factor, then maybe it wasn't meant to be, if things like this ever are.

So until Saturday comes around, I can do very little but wait...

Markus out

Wednesday, June 29, 2005

Immersion into Music

Twisted Records - Demented
Dreamweaver - Lord of Illusions.

I don't want to go to bed, I want to just sit here and watch the music take interesting paths in my brain. Being tired and using headphones creates some sort of tear in the time-space continuum where you become totally immersed in the music and you appreciate its purity and logic. It's like pure enjoyment and a grater understanding is injected into your brain.

This is your brain:
This is your brain on music:

Good, Wonderful Stuff.

The bed beckoned, and I followed.

Too bad I cant wear headphones to bed.

I could muse on and create page after page of this nonsense if I was in this state all day. Hell, music is the new psychadelic revolution. And not just in some posterboy for the rave generation way either, but I'd like to say that the proper music can expand my mind to never before imagines proportions. It's like how you increased the ram you could use with quickmem or EMM386.exe or whatever that application was called in the DOS days.

Like if I'm hacking in the middle of the night, and I have good tunes on, like maybe some happy hardcore, or some inspirational goa, then my fingers litterarly fly over the keys, forming my toughts, and inserting a living piece of my mind into the code I write.

So in essence, when I write, I throw off little reflections of my self that ricochet into the future...
No, wait, that's lyrics from a song by The Shamen.

I found some old school photo books from my high-school years. Found a friend of mine who becasem a father unwittinly one day. He gets back, and is told that he has a son that is two weeks old or somesuch. The kid is probably like 4 by now.

Life happens in the strangest way to even the best of people. I remember him and I going home from watching a movie at a friends house, and as we're about to get into our cars, we start talking, and we end up standing there in the freezing winter with our car doors open, in nothing but pants and t-shirts, freezing our asses off for like one hour, and he tells me that he's recently been made a father.

It's one of those moments that has been forever imprinted on my retinas and into my mind.

Kind of how I like to leave little impressions of my mind in the code that I write, in the people I meet, and all things that I create and that I do.

Work, even tho it has very little, has some piece of me in it, that I leave behind for future people to find. And when they do, they'll get a small piece of me, and thus, the collective mind expands, and the world is made a better place.

You take and you give impressions from and to other people all the time. Even if neither you nor them are aware of it. Life, I suppose, is all about those little pieces that we pick up from other peoples life. We define ourselves by the people around us. Our very existence is validated through our interaction with other elements of this world, be they animal, vitamin or mineral.

What this also shows, and by this I mean this rambling saga of nonsense, is that as soon as you start writing, and get into a good groove, you can just keep banging on the keys, and it'll eventually make sense. All the text that you generate will be pointers into that saved state inside your mind. Much like a console emulator that allows us to save our progress, where there otherwise would be no save point.

I'm almost affraid to remove my headphones, for I fear that the world that I will find outside the confines of the music and this edit box will be cold and gray and unfocused and filled with things like floss, toothbruses and turning my behemoth of an information collector off. Telling the troll under the bridge that it can sleep now. No more kids will be passing today. Maybe tomorrow. No rest for the wicked. Buy the ticket. Ride the ride. (Take the trip, whichever fits).

I'm reminded of a scene towards the end of "Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas" where Raoul Duke wakes up in the hotel room. Tape deck around his neck, microphone taped to his face, fishermans boots (or whatever), and a giant lizards tail stuck to his ass.
It's the ultimate relevation. Things can never quite go back to the way they were before.

"Can all these uneaten french fries accound for the presence of junkies?".
Indeed. Like I (he) said, no rest for the wicked.

"I only hope, kind sage, that my heartfelt thanks will keep you warm, as you spend the next 10 years incased in CARBONITE!"

I think I might have botched a couple of the quotes here today, but anyone who's seen the stuff I've seen, movie wise, will hopefully get the point.

At this point, I'd like to extend a challenge to my presumed readership.
The challenge is this. Well, it's more of a request, or an idea really.

Ramble on as mindlessly as I have just done, and then leave me a comment about what made you do it. You will not that answers like "the neighbors dog" will usually not suffice, unless your name is Sam.

I hope I will hear from someone.

Mindfucks, five dollars. Have some lemonade...

Markus out (and about, lost in the sea of mushroom)

Noise (Mental and Otherwise)

Got alot of stuff on my mind today. Stuff that's not really problems as such, more like choices I have to make. Luxury problems I suppose. Like what wine to have for dinner, instead of IF I should have wine for dinner, or even worse, if I even can have dinner. Not that I like wine, but it's a fairly good analogy.

"Now these small paper squares. About a quarter of an inch on the side. And they've been impregnated with LSD..." (Ohh, and the blogger spell check doesn't know how to spell LSD...)

Tristan - Small Paper Squares.

This brings me back. What with mental noise and all...
Ohh the colors, the colors man.
Maybe some day I'll write about my experiences, but I don't think that'd make very good copy. Also, erowid.org is probably a better resource.


Lost the thread there.

Gotta get me some mental dolby, cancel this shit out. (I wonder if Prozac is the Dolby Noise Reduction to the noise we have, a little or a lot, in our collective heads?).
Helping us see things more clearly, focus. Or maybe that's Ritalin...

Speaking of noise, I spend the better part of the day right next to a SUN-Fire-V240 Sun server, and that is one loud machine, let me tell you. It probably generated 4-5 times as much noise in the lab as all the other PCs combined (roughly 10 of them or so). I had a ringing sensation in my right ear when I left work today, that's how loud it was.

Sure, equipment needs to be cold, but damn. The career I envisioned for myself did not include ear protectors. It's not like I'm going at a piece of street with a jack-hammer here, it's electronics people...

Other mental noise enters my mind.
It's the good kind though.
Maybe I should shut up now. I know only good people read this blog (or atleast I hope), but saying the wrong things might set of a chain-reaction of events that will eventually lead to the destruction of the universe as we know it...
...ok, so maybe not the universe, but I don't want to jinx what could become a very very good thing.
So, like I said, I'll be shutting up now.

How about them yankees...

Maybe I should just get to bed at a reasonable hour today.
Lord knows I was tired enough for a small community this morning.
And we'll have no doing lines as a pick-me-up either.

Enough rambling, I will see you all on the flip side..

Markus out!


Today has been a most wonderful day for me. But for a snag in the municipal communications grid, this day has been very good to me.

First, the fact that I arrive 45 minutes "late" bothers roughly 0 people. It's not like the old job where I not only had to be there like 30 minutes early to prepare and get changed and whatever. Here, I can get in at 11 if I wanted. As long as the job gets done. FlexTime is a good thing (tm).

Work was jus t more of the same, but towards the end of the workday is when things start to get exciting. As I am about to leave, put in my last 15 minutes before I head out to the subway, I roll on over to my friends office, on a whim, and asks him if there's any place to find something like a corporate knowledge base, of documentation repository or something like that. Docs on how the ATM switches work, or how to connect a cellular transceiver to various antennae and such (I work for one of the worlds largest manufacturers of phone equipment). There isn't much of that, unfortunately, but he hooks me up with a link or two for the intranet.

What he does do, however, is walk me through a lot of it personally. It turns out we have all this old equipment sitting around, for troubleshooting any of the old stuff that's still active out in the country. Not much of this stuff is still around, but some telcos still have it around in various places. Not only do we have it all sitting in our (freakishly large) lab, but this guy has personal experience with it, installing it, troubleshooting it, and he knows what each things does, how it connects to other parts, what's good, what's bad, and stories about how things were done "back in the day" (10-15 years ago). We walk around the lab and he explains, and I following him around and nod and point and ask questions, my eyes the size of dinner plates.

Very cool stuff. As an avid reader of documentary books about the early telephone and computer hackers of our day, I've always wanted to see this stuff up close, and know how it works. Preferably without breaking a path locker open in the street. I was loving it. We're doing other systems tomorrow \^_^/

I had planned to drop by my old job to return my keys and some work clothes and such after work today. Said and done, I go over there. I figure I'll chat up a couple of friend, be out of there in 30 minutes or so, 45 tops.
I, of course, stay for something like 2½ hours. Turns out a very good friend of mine is keeping a blog, so we swap urls. She's a much better writer than I am, and her readinghabitss are quite different from mine, so the prose, if there is such, will probably be alot different (and better) in her blog. She blogs in swedish though, so that might be a problem for a lot of people.

So I stand around and talk with her for like 10-15 minutes. Then I start making my way around the park. All over the place are people who seem genuinely happy to see me, and are wondering where the hell have I been, and telling me how nice it is to have me back, even if it's just visiting.

This really warms my heart. I spend a pretty long while discussing work and the DaVinci Code with a friend and this new very pretty girl at the entrance. We have all read the book, and she still has 40 pages left. We make nice and don't tell her the ending. Good book, that is. Maybe not thick on fact, but it could very well be quite true. I guess we'll never know.

I get two new phone numbers from people who want to stay in contact, now that I'm not working there any more, wich is also very nice. I got to spend some time with the girl I mentioned in my last post aswell. She, and her cute friend. (I just reglected on how if I had referred to these people simply by the first letter in their names, they'd all seem to be more or less the same person. Strange how that is)

I made a push for a party this saturday with everyone I spoke to. Hopefully, we'll manage to hook something up. Would be nice to see there people without the work clothes. (You have a dirty dirty mind, it's not what you think. Ok, so some of it is, but far from all of it..)

To top the evening off, my mom breaks up with the boyfriend, so I suppose he'll be moving out fairly soon. I suppose he's an ok guy, but I want a lot better for my mom. I'd support her descision either way, but I think she's doing the right thing.

Right now, I'm dog tired, and I'll fall face first into my keyboard unless I remedy that sleepyness. Therefore, I like you with another cool word that gets used way to seldom in speed of today: pox.

Maybe I should start some word of the day think here. Just to have some filler for the slow days, if nothing else. Speaking of passing time, check out bash.org if you haven't already.

Also, and this is worth repeating, the soundtrack of "The Nightmare Before Christmas" is really really good.

Ok, now the words are flowing together, time to get some shut eye.



Tuesday, June 28, 2005

Good Times

Happy days are here again.
Hrmm. *cough*

The amusement park had its monthly pub deal last night. Of course, since I'm no longer an employee (thank god), I didn't get to partake in the festivities inside the park itself, but I did however meet up my friends outside, as the party continued after 23.00 at a local bar.

There was a really good mood last night. Everybody was happy, the beer was flowing, and more importantly, a lot of people were there.
Sure, the turnout is usually nice, but with a few exceptions, almost all of my best friends were there, and it was a lot of fun.
Due to the fact that I'm now employed with a company that keeps normal business hours, and I had to wake up at the crack of dawn (0600), my visit was fairly brief, (left at ~0100) but what I did get was very good indeed.

People say quit while you're ahead, and I think that's just what I did. I think that I could maybe have squeezed 30 to 45 minutes of more fun out of that evening before the tedium would have started, especially since I was driving and therefore not drinking, but this way, I got a whole extra hour of sleep before work.

I got a whole bunch of nice pictures as well, but due to the rather erratic nature of the internet connection that hosts them, I won't be linking them from here.

It also turns out that today is one of my friends birthday, so before I left the party last night, I got invite to have some cake at her house, whenever I got off from work, which I did. Found a lot of the same people from the night before. It's very cool, we're all like this big happy family. Granted, a family that sleeps around with each other quite a lot, but that just adds to the excitement (and removes boredom). I stayed for cake (Emma makes good cakes. She'll make someone a very good wife some day. Horrible thing to say, but she's a really good cook.)

I also caught myself sneaking more than my share of glimpses of a girl there. It's probably nothing, and I know I shouldn't but what can I say, I'm surrounded by beautiful women. It would be rude of me not to enjoy their company to the fullest. To date and blog, especially when the person you date reads your blog can be a bit treacherous, since you really should put on an honest and open face when blogging, but you can't really expose all the aspects of yourself, and what you think right away.

Dating takes, apart from mutual interest, timing. Most everything boils down to timing. A misplaced word, touch or glimpse might nix the whole deal before it even gets started, if it's done outside the proper frames in time. Therefore, suffice it to say, I'm surrounded by gorgeous women, and I enjoy every second I spend with my friends.

As I've told you before, I've met "interesting" people in other towns as well, Uppsala, where I normally live, for instance, and blogged about it, but what's to say I can't find more than one person interesting at a time.

It's like people who can't understand how you can be in love with more than one person at the same time. Why shouldn't you be able to? It's not like I'll cheat on any future girlfriends all the time, but just because you're dating someone doesn't mean that all your other feelings for other people are suddenly extinguished.

If I can love all members of my family, and my dog, and Coca-Cola at the same time, I sure as hell can be in live with more than one girl. I'm not actually "in love" with anyone at the moment, but I'm definitely interested in a few.

Until next time....

Markus out!

Monday, June 27, 2005


This is a toy I had as a kid, but that just up and disappeared one day. Not only had I lost mine, but there seemed to be no stores left that sold them. Neither the sporting store nor the toy store carried these wonderful throwing toys anymore.

For those of you who don't know, the aerobie currently has the Guinness book or records record for the longest flight of a thrown object. 1257feet or somesuch, or, across the Niagara falls between the US and Canada.

My brother and I searched far and wide for one of these last summer, so we'd have something good to throw around when we were out here together, but to no avail.

But, as I was perusing the offers from play.com (that I get in my email every now and then), I found that they had a gadgets sections, and whatta ya know, they carried aerobies. We instantly decided to get one. Of course, play.com didn't deliver these things outside the UK, but we found a Swedish disc-golf company that carried what appeared to be a more or less complete range of the aerobie products, so tomorrow, it'll be packet up and sent via 1-day mail to my house.

If it hadn't been for the fact that I have work early tomorrow (gotta wrap this up, gotta sleep), I'd be sitting out front waiting for the mailman to come.

Saturday, June 25, 2005


What a delightfully delicious word!

Playing: The nightmare before christmas soundtrack.
Mood: My back hurts, dazed, buzzed.

I went out and bought 3 liters of coke today. My legs are all jittery under the table, and I'm hacking away and listening to music, quite wonderful.
This soundtrack isn't bad either. Tim Burton is a big favorite of mine. I haven't seen Big Fish, but I have seen most of his other movies.

Midsummers turned into national allergy day for me. I got home fairly early and more or less fell into bed. I've spend the lions share of the day writing code, and learning more C++.

I got a long letter today from a dear dear friend of mine who's moved abroad. It wasn't one of those mass e-mail, inform all the friends at home type of letter either, but a personal one. How do I love those, I get them way to seldom. I get more IMs tho, so much online conversations happens there. I was sad to see my friend move, of course, but she tells me that she's enjoying herself new, which is good. I hope to be able to bounce around a bit and visit friends in central europe this fall or winter. Money and time permitting, I'll be hitting Warsaw, Poland; Rotterdam, Holland and London, England.

"And since I am dead, I can take of my head, to recite shakespearean quotations".

Now wouldn't that be a party trick to die for. *grin*

There is something to be said for musical theater. Silver screen or otherwise.

More coke....

Markus out.

Friday, June 24, 2005

The pain, the fucking pain

Here I am, beautiful day out, hot as hell, and me, just loving the summer.
What I don't love, however, are my allergies.
Normally, I can get away with taking one of my pills, and the itching and the sniffling stops.
Today is nothing like the other days.
My nose won't stop running, and I've got this itch in my right eye that just won't fucking go away!
I would just run down to the pharmacy and get something for my eye, except that they're closed.
I have to suffer through this unbearable annoyance until Monday rolls around.
And it's not like any pharmacies will be open at 7AM when I go to work either, I have to wait until lunchtime rolls around, and I have no clue where to find a pharmacy around where I work.
Needless to say, it's going to me a major fucking pain in my ass until Monday afternoon.
Provided ofcourse that noone steps in and gouges this thing out of my skull, which would provide some relief.
My only hope is that the alcohol I will subject my body too later on tonight will have some kind of numbing effect that kills the itch.
fass.se says that the pills (antihistamines) enhance the effect of alcohol.
Ofcourse, the more I itch, the worse it gets. (So don't itch, you say. Well, easier said than done...)

Doesn't help that moms boyfriend cut the damn grass either...

I could just lock myself up, and close all the doors and windows, but that's no way to spend an entire summer. First chance I get, I'm getting some eyedrops, because this shit just aint working.

Markus (in pain) out.

Thursday, June 23, 2005

Pick Me Up

Today was a good day, I wasn't dead tired, for once, when I got home.
I think my body is accepting the fact that it's early mornings from now on.
Also, I got an insta-raise today aswell. Turns out there had been a mistake, and my salary was actually higher than previously stated, which is nice.

I still have no idea what to do for midsummers eve tomorrow. Maybe an outdoor party, maybe getting drunk and playing xpong with a friend all night, we'll see.

This drastic cut in sugar I've taken this last month is starting to get to me. Even tho I'm not as tired as I used to be, I miss the sugar and the caffeine I got from drinking 1 liter of coke each day.
Maybe I should just scoot down to the candy store and stuff my face. We'll see.

I think I need to learn the intricacies of Solaris on SPARC better. I mean I know unix in general, but very few specifics when it comes to Solaris. Maybe I should get a book or something. Recommendations are welcome. Also, stuff about extreme networks gear, and torrent routing equipment (not BitTorrent).

I also released the latest version of my software today. Good and bad. It's always nice to release, but this means I have no more bugs (right now) to fix, and no features to implement.

I must find new ways of entertainment. Recreational ECT perhaps...

Markus out.

Chainsaw of Natural Selection

Why can't anyone give me one of these: http://www.personal.psu.edu/users/j/e/jem443/ForFun/DarwinComic.gif

I mean I'm surrounded by stupid people all day. This would be the perfect tool to bring about the new world order. MY world order!

I shall amass an army of Darwins ("I shall create a grand army of the republic!") to reach into each and every hiding place and root out and destroy all the remaining stupidity in the world. Of course, it'd probably be easier to just collect the smart ones, and put them on an island somewhere while we nuke the rest of the world.

Early in the morning

I've started my new job for real.
It's great.
I get to learn stuff about equipment I've never messed around with before.
Very cool stuff.
The only bad thing, is that I have to get out of bed at 0600 in the morning. I know most of you probably do this on a regular basis, by my classes usually start around noon, and I have a 20 minute walk, or a 5 minute bike ride to school. Now I have to take trains to work, and it takes me close to an hour to get to work. I usually have an hour left when most other people in the lab leave.

It's not like the early mornings are going to go away either. I suppose I'll get used to them, but right now, I'm virtually in zombie mode whenever I get home.
Today was the first day I managed to actually produce something after I got home. (On Connect ip mask check support for some software I'm writing) Though I had written large parts of the check scheme before, I only finally applied it today. Looks like a release will be available tomorrow.

Four more days until most of the rest of the family comes back home, and my brother moves in to the room next to me. It'll be nice to once again live under the same roof. Even if it is only for a short while, and he won't have to wake up at 0600 in the morning. Curses....

Ohh, and I was reminded the other day of a great Penny Arcade strip about plastic packaging for electronics-related products. They really do want to keep you out of that stuff. You more or less need the jaws of life to get into your newly acquired joystick or whatever.

Midsummers' eve coming up on Friday. Still have no clue what's going on with that. I'll keep you posted.

Markus out.

Monday, June 20, 2005

No entry today

First day of work, I got up and 0600, which is rare for me.
I don't know exactly what I'm supposed to do, nor to they, but it's all good.
I'm SOO tired. I met up with some friends on the park after work.
More of less just got home
I think I'll just go to bed now...

Reverend Lovejoy

I just found this over at another blog, and it's goddamn hilarious.
It's an excerpt from a page entitled Sex In Christ and it talks about how sure, pre marital sex is bad, but the bible never said anything about taking it up the ass.
I'm in no way a man of god, and I enjoy sex, all kinds, as much as the next guy, but this guys reasons are just a little bit warped.
But, if it helps people do what they love and keep their faith at the same time, then I'm all for that.

Markus out

Sunday, June 19, 2005


Today was an interesting day. My dad and me drove in to town to kill some time, and get a bite to eat. Good idea, I say to myself, gives me a chance to get out of the house, and not have to feel uncomfortable being home alone with only moms boyfriend. (He's not creepy or anything, it just doesn't feel comfortable.) So anyway, we drive in to town, park the car, and start walking downtown to wander around a bit and find somewhere to grab a bite to eat.

When we reach Kungstradgarden, there seems to be some kind event going on. Lots of people, big bleachers, a stage, and some beer tents. (I need to work on my descriptive prose, but I also need to sleep). There were also there jury-rigged wooden frames all over the ground with gravel in them. (Kungstradgarden doesn't normally have gravel, it has sandstone or somesuch).

It turns out that what we've unwittingly stumbled upon is the World Championships of Boule. (The French know this as petanque) Not only is it the world championships, but we're just in time to watch the reigning world champions France play the runners up form last year, Belgium.

Belgium starts out with a 3-0 lead (you play first to 13). The French make it 1-3, then 5-3 for the French. The Belgians seem to find it hard to keep up, even though they're playing very well. This round sees 10-3 for the French. Closing in on what seems to be the last around, the French have a 2-ball lead, with 3 balls left, and the Belgians are fresh out of balls (not those kinds of balls, I mean they did make it to the final or the world championships). This tips is for the Belgians, and they forfeit the game to the French, knowing that nothing short of a miracle can save them now.
The French go on to winning yet another championship (in a sport I think they invented).

They have an award ceremony, but very few stick around to watch it. We exit stage left, and hit the local TGIF.

We're sitting there with one New York Strip Steak a piece, and I make some snappy comment on something or other, how dining out turns really pretentious really fast probably, like I normally do in various situations (my wit with words clearly hasn't made its way in to written yet, as you can see). Dad thinks this is hilarious. He tells me about this idea that I've heard him mention on the side earlier, about how he thinks I should start writing these down. (A show about nothing, I tell you it's brilliant!)

I mean I may be funny when the opportunity presents itself, but I just don't see myself with a notebook scratching and scribbling every time I make a funny.
But what he said does hold some value, because I immediately thought about the fact that I sit here almost every night and write entries in this blog. So it appears that I am chronicling my life, just not the humorous snappy stuff. Maybe I should take some class in creative writing or something, because I really don't know where I'm going with this. I wish I had more of a mind to structure these entries, but then again, they are a log, not a novel. They are supposed to represent my thought, not unravel some sinister plot from the backalleys of some worn down city where the sky is always black, it always rains, and the characters spend more than their share of time in bars.

I wouldn't mind writing a novel though, it's just that I don't have any fictitious ideas to feed it with, nor do I have the skill required to get more than my closest friends to read it.

One of the reasons I started writing this blog was to prove to myself and to anyone who cared to know that my life wasn't as boring and monotonous as people thought. To prove that I actually do other things than site around my computer, write code and jerk of to women whose name ends in .JPG. Granted, I DO do these things, but they aren't the only things I do.
I may not be out treasure hunting or evading Nazis, but I do find ways of spending my time.

I think that if I added AdSense to this blog (see earlier post), then a lot of stuff about writing would show up. I realize that I criticize my own writing a lot, and I complain that I'm not a very good author, but I think that that might just increase the likelihood of writing-related ads showing up. Maybe I shouldn't complain. I know people who are far worse than me, but then again, there are oodles of people who kick my ass when it comes to prose. I'm rambling, I'll stop.

First day of work tomorrow. I'm meeting a lot of new people, and I have two weeks to learn the ropes around the systems that I'll be working on, it'll be great. Finally a proper job that'll get me some experience doing stuff that I like.
Speaking of work, I should probably go to sleep now, so I can wake up refreshed in the morning.
More on work later.

Markus out

Saturday, June 18, 2005

Last Night

Well, last night wasn't at all what I had hoped it to be. I had looked forward to a good venue I knew I had been at previously. To my big surprise and disappointment, the place where the party was at was just next to where I expected it to be, in a small, way to preppy venue. Not at all my taste.

But, later on in the evening, the music, atleast, was great. Maybe a bit on the slow side, but all very good stuff. There were two guest DJs. One is DJ Anneli, of Full Moon Festival (among others) fame. The other, or so the whisperings told me, seemed to be someone from South Africa called 'Ben', or somesuch. [Edit: It would seem that this guys name is 'Brett' rather than 'Ben'] When I first saw him, I could have sworn that it was a childhood friend of mine. They looked so much alike it was uncanny. And his girlfriend too, mirror image (in style anyway) or my friends girlfriend. Strange. Anyway, they both played great music.

I got to talk some more with the previously mentioned new friend, and it was great. I realize, I think, that there probably won't be anything more special between us than there already is (being party buddies), but I hope I'm wrong.
I think the way you can tell is by seeing how active the person is in conversation. Is he/she someone who goes up and talks to you, or do you always have to seek out him/her. I believe that if you're on some mutual ground, equal initiation of conversation, so to speak, then you probably have the basis for something great, but if it's like it usually is, one person always being the conversation starter, then it can rarely be more than just some kind of acquaintance. Granted, some people are shyer than others and take their time, but you can still after having met each other two to three times whether or not it is going in the direction you want it to. This applies as much to good friends as it does to lovers. Indeed maybe even more so when it comes to good friends. One night stands usually don't have this kind of conversational quality.

I usually initiate conversations, rather than get people to come up to me. If this is good or bad, I don't know, but I think I have a good way with people. Hopefully, one of these days, people will start coming up to me. And hopefully earlier then when I'm old and grey and need help getting across the street.

More ramblings on dating and my up and down (upsidedownface) life will follow.
For the most part it's good though, really good!

Markus out...

Friday, June 17, 2005

First Meeting

I went to my first meeting with my new boss today. It went very well. I arrive at this nice big office complex, almost campus-like had it not been for the big fence and gates. We talk for a short period of time, and it dawns on me that my friend on the inside must have sold me like I was the cure for cancer. The boss seemed genuinely happy to see me, and told me that my skills was exactly what they were looking for, and that I fit the profile perfectly for the kind of people they were recruiting. Turns out my skillset was the perfect match for what they look for in an applicant.

Also, this seems more like an internship than a normal job. Especially since it's limited in time, but the boss also told me that I'd get to go around and see all parts of the company, and get to know alot of good people. He told me that "You're going to get connected" (my translation), and that sounds very good to me.

I will also be bouncing around to their various offices here in town a bit, so that'll be fun. I think I'm going to have a really really good summer at this job. I'm sure that it'll beat my previous two at the other job like it's nobody's business.

To celebrate this joyous occasion (or maybe just because it tastes good), we're going to have a barbecue. The first real one for me this year (the one the other day didn't include any actual frying of meat on my part), so that'll be really nice.

I'm also going back to Uppsala tonight to go to a club. No word yet on whether it will be a regular Friday thing or not yet, but hopefully we'll get word tonight.
I'll update you later on how the evening transpired.

Markus out

Thursday, June 16, 2005


Why is it, that when I browse around the "next blog" function here in blogger, I constantly run in to a) ad blogs (that contain crap to justify their Ad Sense), and b) the same blogs over and over again.

If it's random, then I shouldn't be hitting the same blogs again. If it's based on some kind of algorithm, then I shouldn't be hitting these crappy adblogs.

Also, my back hurts, again. Where's the morphine when I need it...

Noise Issues - Revisited

I just switched my old Zalman PSU for my brother's SeaSonic PSU, and the noise level was decreased even further.
Granted, I wanted his padded Antec Sonata aswell, but he's not letting that go, unfortunately.

Hopefully I'll be able to afford one of those too, but they come with a power supply built-in, which is bad, since I don't want to pay €80 extra for a PSU that I will never use.
Maybe I'll get lucky.

Markus out

Wednesday, June 15, 2005

We are Samurai, The Keyboard Cowboys!

I guess I'm not as nerdy as I thought (Altho I did stay in to read blog instead of going out into the sun, so I should get extra points for that. Also, my sister was on the gameboy, so I couldn't sit outside playing that):

I am nerdier than 85% of all people. Are you nerdier? Click here to find out!

Found the test via a nice blog that I started reading: http://venessah.blogspot.com.
I like the language, and the editorial attitude. Nice.

Listening to: VA-The_Future_of_Hard_Dance_002_Live_DJ_Mix_by_Yoji_Biomehanika-CD-2004

Life as it Should be

Why don't I come up with stuff like this when I go shopping with my girl friends.

I spent virtually the entire day yesterday outside in the sun. It was wonderful. It's what Swedish summer is all about, and it's just too bad that there's so damn little of it. We spent the day in the park, just hanging around, eating ice-cream, playing dominoes and talking about nothing in particular.

Later on on was barbecue night. We went over to a friends house, something like 8-10 people, and made dinner and just hung around drinking beers and talking. I was pleasantly surprised that they had a big trampoline in their yard. I remember we used to rent those things for like a week or two every summer a couple of years back, and there was no end to our jumping around and having fun on them. Wonderful times. We used to put it up next to our pool and do flips into the water, and the trampoline got all wet, and we'd be covered in a fog of little water drops with every bounce, it was awesome.
I spent a fair amount of the time last night jumping. I can never seem to stop when one of those are around.

This is what summer is about though. Just enjoying the nice weather in the company of friends that you like. Especially when you, like here in Sweden, get very little of it. Our actual summer season stretches from mid June or July to late August, if we're lucky. The rest of the year is just inhumanly cold.

With my new job this summer, I won't have the mornings and days of like I've had the preceding two years (working at the amusement park), but I'll have the full weekends, and I'll get out at a nice time in the afternoons aswell, so it's all good.

My Konfabulator mini-weather widget shows a completely uncovered sun, and 21 degrees C, what the hell am I doing inside blogging.

I'll be out back in the sun if anybody needs me!


Tuesday, June 14, 2005

Michael Jackson Acquitted

Yep, you read that right. The news is all over the place.
I never had any real doubts that the King Of Pop was actually guilty of these heinous crimes, and now that a jury of his peers has seen that this is so, the world should breathe a sigh of relief, right?

Well, I think that there will be more controversy, and counter-suits, and demonstrations and possibly teargas. I don't think that we've seen the final chapter of this story, even though the jury has reached its verdict.


Star Wars: Episode III - Revenge of the Sith

WARNING - This might contains spoilers.
I doubt that there are many people that haven't already seen it, but still.

The main objective of this movie is to show the audience how the Jedi become outcasts, how the emperor rises to power and to show Anakin turn in to Darth Vader.
What is shown, is about 2 hours of filler, used as a pre and post-amble to a poorly written and even more poorly executed 30 minute plot about how Anakin turns to the dark side, and subsequently gets himself into enough trouble to warrant a full body suit and extra cybernetic appendages. Needless to say, he won't be fathering any more babies.

I'm going to look at this from the perspective that the previous movies, episodes 4,5 and 6, don't exist, but there is something else demanding the change about to come, i.e. the casting out of the jedi, the forming of the rebelling, and Darth Vader. Say an oracle predicted it or whatever. This is because people who cut the new movies down to size get blamed for comparing them to the original feeling you got when you saw the original films and such, but I'm going to do my best to steer clear of that here.

I'm going to look at this in a strict third-part-of-a-trilogy sense. And in that sense, it's no good.
The one thing is has going for it though, is that it looks good. Really good. Of course, Hayden can't act for shit, but he's balanced out by the superior skill of the animators, and the other seasoned actors that interact with him. Without being too vulgar, I'd say that Mr Christensen is carrying something lodged in his rectum that he's terribly afraid to loose. He's incredibly tense, and not natural in any way. It's like he's concentrating so much on keeping his jaw line square that he forgets that he has to look natural. I mean I know he's supposed to be conflicted and have all this inner torment, but he still can't pull it off, he just looks constipated.
Ewan McGregor and Natalie Portman perform splendidly with regard to the material they are given.

On to the action.
Episode 1 was ok, not great, mostly on account of jar jar. Episode 2 was a great movie. It might have had some minor points, but over all a really good movie, easily rivaling eps 4, 5 and 6. And episode was all the stuff they had to fit in to tie the two story lines together. There was something of an ok build-up, but the whole thing about how helping padmé from dying is his sole motivation for joining the dark side just doesn't cut it. It's like they knew he had to get evil, but they had no idea how that would come about. Much like the same way they know he's going to have to don that suite in the next movie, so they have to find a way of making that happen too. (He gets chopped up and scorched near the end, if you were wondering)

I would have preferred it if he was just pure evil, and he's actions kind of just spiraled out of control, and he was enjoying the ride. Joining the dark side to be able to save the life of the one you love is just not a strong enough motivator. Sure, love can get you to do crazy things, but this, this is just not up to snuff. Something along the lines of how he went out on a rage and slaughtered the sand people in the last movie to get his mother back. That pure burning rage drove him to it, and that he might have discovered that the emperor was a sith himself by sensing it, rather than this ploy about having him arrested and whatnot.
Also, the fact that the emperor came to look the way he does becase Master Windu reflected his lightning charge, and was infact stronger with the force than the emperor himself is quite weak. I mean he's the emperor, he should have been able to more or less toss Mace Windu out of the window and set his pants on fire while doing it. Pure evil, and lots of it.

Regarding the laws of physics though, there are a few things that didn't sit right with me. Sure, they have some kind of anti-gravity engines, but you'd think that stuff like inertia of large objects would still exist. Also, the fact that gravity doesn't work properly when they're on planets that have gravity. Like when Obi-Wan is on that slimy beast, chasing down General Grievous, and he leaps what has to be closer to 3-400 meters down onto a sloped surface, and just keeps on galloping. They would be turned into sticky beast and human goo, had that been properly implemented. Sure, there is sound in space, I've come to terms with that after seeing a very good documentary about George Lucas, but these other things just don't make sense.

Another thing is scale. This fairly small one man fighter is closing in on something that looks like it could probably house roughly 100 of those fighters, and when it comes close, the fighter either becomes nothing more than a speck compared to the ship, or it lands majestically on the ship, with its wings hanging out. Sure, everything is large, but humans have certain visual cues that movie makers could atleast try to use. The cities looked big and impressive, and you really got a sense of how huge things were, but when there were ships or planets, or that big hole in the ground where they found the general, that was also way way off.

Some of the droids seemed way more sentient than others tho, and even articulate and seemed to have a personality (the hospital robot in the end that informs Obi-Wan and the rest that Padmé is carrying twins), while other seemed not to know their ass from their elbow.

The ending was kind of nice though, with Obi-Wan handing Luke over to "Uncle" Owen and "Aunt" Beru, that was more along the lines of what I was expecting for the whole movie.

While not a great movie, it was acceptable. I'd rate it about the same as episode 1, but for different reasons. Also, it was better as the third part of a trilogy than the middle part of a series of 6. They'd need atleast two movies instead of this one to patch it all together, plot-length wise.

But, alas, there are alot of other good movies comming out this summer, so...
...Sin City, Fantastic 4, Batman Begins, just to name a few.

I fear I shall go broke from watching all these movies this summer. Especially on my fairly meager new salary (that shall remain undisclosed at this time). It is, however, more than I get each month in financial aid for school, so I should be happy.

I leave you with this, and hope that my content will improve, aswell my endings.

Until next time


Monday, June 13, 2005

Noise Issues

So, noise, we meet again
you are vanquished!
taste the bitter taste of defeat!

Can you hear that?
I can't.
Or, well, I can't hear the horrible noise that my VGA fan used to make, because it's not there anymore.
I've replaced it with a Zalman ZM80D-HP, a fanless heatpipe cooler.
Just wonderful. And it also makes my computer look a wee bit cooler, since I have this window and this nice little blue light in there.
I doubt that this would have worked, had I owned something like a 6600 or a 6800, but since I make do with an old Ti4200, it worked perfectly.
I'm installing Quake 3 now, just to give it a nice run. Not that Quake 3 is very taxing for any kind of modern computer, but I didn't have Half-Life 2 within reach.
If the card dies from this, I'll be sure to tell you.

Over and out


Sunday, June 12, 2005

The Gods Pause A Moment To Contemplate Your Fate

a.k.a Loading...

Now I'm home, and semi-moved in. When I got home I found, to my great joy and amazement, that my sister had gotten a shiny new Zelda-edition GameBoy Advance SP with (of course) Zelda - the minish cap. I haven't played much, but I assured her that what's hers, when I'm living there, is most certainly also mine, atleast with regards to her new shiny toy. Or rather, atleast I hope I can borrow it.
The first thing to be installed once I got here was my computer. Unfortunately, I have t run tp across the hallway to get access to the internet, but that only bothers my mums boyfriend and not the rest of the family, so I'm cool.
Nothing much has happened these last few days. Hopefully I'll have more to write about when I'm properly settled in, and the week (and work) has started for real.

And now, something completely different...
My mouse has started making noise when I'm recharging it. It's a logiteck MX700 cordless mouse, and as soon as I put it in the cradle to recharge, and the green led starts blinking, the sound joins in. For each blink, there's a whining and a clicking noise. My friend tells me it's the piezoelectric effect. That something inside my mouse is oscilating at a frequency that humans can hear. It makes some sense, however I don't know why it suddenly appeared, and why it, like now, doesn't appear at all, or what to do about it.

I feel that my last few posts, or indeed my whole stock of posts, seem to lack a proper ending. Or maybe even a proper beginning. I'll just chalk that up to the fact that I at present don't really have anything worth writing about.
Maybe I should start blogging about someting in particular that interests me, and that there's alot of information about. I shall meditate on this further.

Ohh well, better luck tomorrow.


Today is the day I move back into the city. Temporarily, of course, but still. Having a real job, a job that actually uses the skills I have acquired is nice.
I feel both sad and happy as I pack up most of my active life. I'm going to be gone from this apartment for nearly 3 months, that's a lot of stuff. It's not like going to the Bahamas for a week.
I'm sad that I leave the serenity of living in my own apartment behind, but I'm glad that I'll be closer to the lions share of my friends, and also a heck of a lot closer to my job. It would be pretty much impossible to commute every day.
Nice day out for driving too, I think I'll drive down.
I'll miss having my stereo though. Having to use headphones for 3 months isn't a very hot concept. I know a lot of people deal with this every day, but still. I like my headphones, but wearing them for extended periods of time makes my ears get all read and warm.
I'll be back regularly, to go to basement up here, but still.

[(maybe) to be continued]


Krazy Larry

You have got to read this story line.
"Some people get cool hallucinations that tell them to kill people...
Mine just try to get me in trouble..."



Ohh, and this one:


This has got to be one of the best comics ever, I'm telling you!

Saturday, June 11, 2005

The Ephemeral Nature Of Speech

The ephemeral nature of speech, is something that GUI people, and HCI (Human-Computer Interaction) specialists talk about. It's about how speech and sound, contrary to text, disappears after you've heard it. If, for example, you have a voice alert for some error in your system, then that voice alert has been raised, and the voice has said "The document was unable to print" or some such, there is no remnant of the error, it's only, hopefully, still in your head. This is why having a voice interface to a computer system is almost always a bad idea. I know, being able to speak to the computer like in the Sci-Fi movies might seem like a cool thing, but the fact of the matter is that sounds is a poor representation of information. Not to mention the fact that people usually read a lot faster than they are able to hear. Also, people jabbering on in read-speed would be hard pressed not to have to repeat them selves all of the time.

"Well what has this got to do with anything?", you ask. Well I'll tell you.

The language that we see online today, in the form of IM conversations, e-mail, irc and forum posts, is usually a far cry from what we see in, say, the articles of nytimes.com. Sure, some people plain just don't know how to write, but that's usually not the problem. I'm normally something of a grammar nazi (although my spelling is horrible), both when it comes to English and Swedish. But after reading the first paragraph of this article, I had an epiphany. (This might not have been what the article was about at all, I just HAD to blog about it before I lost my train of though. Writing stuff down helps us eliminate the problems with keeping language and thoughts fresh in our memory banks).

What if the way that people write in these mediums, IMs and irc, is just a representation of how they'd want to say something, but can't, because of a) the fact that the internet is based on text, not sound, and b) because the "ephemeral nature of speech" (there we have it again) is a poor carrier of information. Sure, most of these people could probably formulate proper sentences, and use proper punctuation and whatnot, but they choose not to. Not because is would take longer, or require more effort on their part, but rather that they want to convey information in the same language (form of expression, rather than the kind that differs from country to country) that they would, had the person or persons been present in the room with them.

I might have to start cutting people some slack for their horrible language habits on irc, because whether they know it or not, they might be trying to communicate with me on a different, less formal level than I had previously anticipated.

People who know me will tell you that I in no way condone actions that allows language to degenerate into guttertalk (or newspeak, for that matter), but in light of this recent discovery, I might have to revise my view of the world.

OR, I've just gone too long without a proper acid flashback... (a.k.a I must be slipping in my old age).

Speaking of old age, I saw in my blogger profile that I was born in the year of the sheep.
Seems more like I was born in the year of the critters from StarCraft who bray "bah-ram-ewe" when you poke 'em...

Ohh, and I have the cow from distributed.net as my Do Not Disconnect image on my iPod.
Espy sans is a much better font than that horrid thing you're stuck with by default.


Blogger is has a new drive, AdSense for blogs. It's like the normal AdSense, only it's for us bloggers.
I just installed a hitcounter in my blog, to see if anyone, other than my closest friends ever read it. I expect something like max 5 individual guests per day, at this stage, that's about haf of the population that know about this blog. Because of this fairly low hit count, I believe AdSense is not for me. Reading the article about AdSense for blogs, their advice is to stick to a subject, and be very recis, and write well and whatnot. I don't think I qualify there. I mean I can write well, when the spirit's in me, (spirit is, not the spirits, as in booze), but I certianly do not stick to a singular subject. Just like Daniel in Microserfs makes up the seven Jeopardy categories for his friends, I wonder (what my categories would be, and) what AdSense would show, based on the content of my blog. There's some phtography stuff there, so maybe something about cameras. Some music maybe, I don't know. I almost feel like signing up, just to see what comes up. They should have a test page: "Enter your url, and see what AdSense recommends". It could be the new craze, people would send all sorts of new and exciting ages throught the filter, and get outrageous results. Much like smurfalizer, or pornalizer, but for ads...
I'd use it.

I think my 7 Jeopardy categories would be:
  • Psychadelic trance
  • Things to do with a computer
  • Hacking (code)
  • Architecture
  • Coca-Cola
  • Sci-fi books
  • Movies
Maybe they are a bit broad, but hey, it's what I like.
Keeping it well written, and to the point, and "save us the 1,000 word diatribes".
Well, I don't know if I scored well in any of those respects, but then again, when I do have something to write about, I think it'll be alot better than this filler.

Now, for some ironing...


Basement - We Love Bass

Ok, fuck, I can't fucking believe this!

I had just written a lengthy entry about the night that I had, and it disappeared when I went to save, because my session had timed out. (didn't stop it from keeping the date in a cookie though)
I did write some things that I weren't sure should be here or not, about sighs and fate and whatnot, so I'm taking this as a sign that what I wrote shouldn't have been there in the first place.
Suffice it to say, I've made a new friend that I like very much. very much. You read as much as you want into that. ;)

Spaceman Markus, Signing off...

Thursday, June 09, 2005

What a wonderful day

Today has been just a spectacular day. Granted, it's far from over, so it can still get better, but no matter how it turns out, I'm ahead.
I spent 3-4 hours today out in the blazing sun just reading. No wind, no clouds, just me, the sun, my book and a park bench. I didn't even hear the day care center across the lawn. This truly feels like the actual beginning of summer. I plowed through something like 150-175 pages of microserfs. (That's Douglas, not Dougles, a typo in my first post). It's just filled to the brim with truth and wisdom, truly a good read. I'm bumping it up the hierarchy in my bookshelf. I don't think that I own very many books that are not good, or even great, but still. Just the fact that it's filled with wisdom (and oneliners) that apply so perfectly to my life, and probably life in general is nice.
I thoroughly enjoyed myself this afternoon. Had it not been for the temperature gauge on my desktop showing a nice 21 degrees C, I probably wouldn't have donned shorts and "socky" (socks that end just where your shoe does, legwise) and went out into the sun.
When I came home from my day in the sun, what do I find, but a copy of Pi and Antitrust on dvd sitting there in my mailbox diligently awaiting my return. Life is good =)
I also saw a gorgeous tall brunette in a short skirt in the line just behind me at the grocery store as I was going home. I wonder how, or if it's even possible to, hit on someone waiting in line for something. Waiting in line for a club is something else, but like waiting in line to pay for something, or on the buss, or at the airport or whatever. I don't know about you, but I feel that those times almost carry a conversational taboo, unless you already know the person in question. Those are the times when you just want to get on with your business and get done. I'd love for people to start talking to me in all kinds of situations, ofcourse, but I can never bring myself to do something like that on my own. I don't know why. I don't see myself as a socially inept character either, but there are good times and bad times to talk to people I guess, and it's unfortunate that the good times rarely involve people worth talking to. Atleast not any new people.
Now I have some Tortellini to fix, so if you'll excuse me.
( I also got top grade on my last exam, which means I've scored top grades on every exam this semester, summer couldn't start off on a better note for me )


Junk television

Nothing happened today. I suppose that's not really what peopel want to hear, so I'll add some filler.
Another one of my friends started a blog today, it's linked from my sidebar.
And apparently, I've gotten hooked on this reality show called "Forever Eden". It's not something I'd normally do, unless I had ALOT of free time on my hands, and not even then. I've watched more or less one full season of big brother, but that was like 3 years ago, when I was unemplyed for a full year, which was one of the worst years of my life, by the way. I thnk it's easier to watch foever eden, because it's on every day, and it's on at night time. Unfortunately, there are only two episodes left (I won't be sad when it's gone, I have other reasons, bear with me), and I'll be spending tomorow night watching Bullit and I'll spend friday night out partying, so I guess I'll have to read how it ends. That's another good thing about getting shows a bit later here. All the information you could possibly need about a show is already online. www.tvtome.com is my friend.

It turns out that I won't be starting my new job on monday. It's been postponed until wednesday, and when things like this happen, to deals that aren't signed, my foundation starts to shake a little. Not that I think anything bad will happen, because they seem to genuinely want me there, but still. Ohh well, it's tw more days of vacation for me then. I mght just go out there and scope the place out, so I know here to go on the big day.

I'll be moving back in with mom for the duration of summer also. Since she lives in the town where I'll be working, I can't very well stay up here. Besides, it'll be fun to see all my friends again, and since this is a university town, it's fairly dead during the summer. More on that later.

I've learned alot about threads and sockets today aswell. C++ isn't my language of choice, but I might aswell learn it properly, not just have a small clue as to how it could be used. I mean it's on my CV for crying out loud.
Ok, so I do know a bit more C++ that I might have let on, but it's been so long since I used it, I really should sharpen up the old skills. I should probably do the same with my perl skills, but unless I'm actually using the language, it gets hard to maintain. I know java better than the back of my hand, but that's because I use it almost every day, and I've written big projects using it. C, hmm, not so much no...

I'll keep you posted.


Wednesday, June 08, 2005


The program, not the greeting.
I recently installed hello, and it's really cool.
My friend sent me some pictures, and the display was more or less instant. And the fact that I can use it to publish pictures to the blog aswell just makes it really cool. If you want me, I'm 'jevring' on hello.
More on this later.



Ohh I'm so blogging this:

And it's not one of those annoying games or some stupid shit like that either, it's (to quote hackaday.com) "a movie based on google becoming a huge-ass conglomorate and wiping out media. very cool and post-apocalyptic kind of feel to it."
Very interesting, and very well done. People should distribute these things in QuickTime or MPEG instead of flash. flash has such a bed rep for all the shit people produce with it.
Dare I say 99% of all the flash content I have seen, by size, if nothing else, is complete and utter crap.
Flash, as such, isn't bad, it's jsut what people do with it.
It's like how guns are ok for hunting, but when people start maiming other peopel on the street, that guns turn foul (not fowl, they turn that in the woods mostly).

Just watch it, it's cool.


Tuesday, June 07, 2005

I want to live in a computer game...

I went out to the cemetery and snapped roughly 100 pictures. Out of those 100, there might have been a maximum of 5 that were good. Of course, the place I chose for my pictures doesn't look nearly as goodas it does "for real", but then again, things rarely do. Also, I think I might gone out one or two hours too late, because it was going on dusk, and you can't really take landscape shots with a flash, so that burned me a little.

Image Hosted by ImageShack.usI shot some, what I consider, a little bit division bell-esque (Imagine the cover for Pink Floyd's album "The Division Bell") shots of a big copper sculpture housing the two bells for the church.
Going on these sessions, I hope, will help me become a better photographer. Photography is something I've wanted to be good at since I was a little kid and played with my dad's olympus SLR, which is probably 10-15 years older than I am. It had one set 50mm lens, and another zoom lens, that I have no idea about the specifications of. (Wow, nice sentence there...). It weighed alot, since all the optics were glass, and the camera case itself was metal. It also had this wonderful mechanical click sound when you pressed the button. A real heavy-duty sound and reverberating feel almost, so that you KNEW you had snapped a picture. And ofcourse the manual film feed.

I remember wanting a pentax SLR called something like Z-20 or C-20 when I got old enough to earn my own money, but it never came down to me buying it. I had these leaflets with information about that one, and a minolta m-300 or m-500 or some such, all costing around 4-5000SEK. that was in the beginning of the 90ies I think. It could have been earlier. I'd used to dream about the kind of picures I would take, and how the camera would feel in my hand, and how professional I'd look with the camera I my hand, bu it was not to be.

I think the fact that I didn't buy a camera then, is holding me back a bit now. And urging me on at the same time. I obviously want a new camera, but sense and economy tells me that it's not going to happen. And it's not like the economy that tells me I'll probably never own a ferrari either. I mean I could actually afford this camera, I just choose to do other stuff, like pay for food, with my money. I could never, bar an amazing event, actually, if I scraped all my money together, afford a ferrari.
But who knows. In a couple of years time, maybe I deem myself to have become an excellent photographer, and I really can easily afford a dSLR, then I might just get one. But the immediate future looks dark.

I just wish I had more opportunity to take pictures of people. And not just party pictures, but more portraits, or atleast shots that are acually set up. I believe I might be good at that.

One place I believe I could spend all my remaining days taking pictures of, and living happily in, is Riven (hence the title). Riven, for those of you who don't know it, is a game released by Cyan entertainment in something like 1999 or 2000, and it's the sequel to the well know game Myst.
Riven was larger, more well rendered, has nice ambient sounds and visual effects, and most all of it took place in the scorching sun. Myst was constantly over cast, and while bright enough, was never sunny. At one point, i even think it rained. However, the world of Riven is a sun baked landscape with ages wood and metal details that are so well rendered I could almost reach out and touch the texture.
There's one place, on the second island you get to, just up to the right, that has these sumps of what must have been gigantic trees. These stumps are like 1-2 meters in diameter, and they've been sawn off, and you can see the age rings and everything perfectly. The ambient sound has grasshoppers chirping in the background, and the occasional winsounds of small insects. It's so wonderful, and so real, that I sometimes just run the game, and sit there watching the environments. Knowing that if I wanted to experience something like this in real life, now only would it be virtually impossible to find, but I'd certainly have to travel far and wide in search for it. Since Riven is a first person game, but not realtime rendered, Cyan has done a great job at framing shots for us, but I belive that if i were given free roam of the world, I could snap a few wonderful ones myself.

I have this big coffeé table book called "From Myst To Riven", that's about the making of the game, the artwork, the company, and the people behind it, and it's also completely fascinating. Sadly, I hear that Myst 5 will be the conclusion of the series, even tho I haven't been able to play the other games, save for Myst and Riven that mych, but now, for the final chapter, it's Cyan who's doing all the creative stuff, and implementing it aswell. Myst 3 and 4, they tell me, were written by other companies, based on storylines given to them by Cyan. Kind of liek what Nihilistic is (or was) doing for Blizzard with StarCraft - Ghost.
For you non-gamers out there, it's like having a book ghostwritten. Well, almost anyway.

I'm rambling really, but I guess it's just been one of those days. I watched parts of Adam Sandler's "The Wedding Singer" just as I was getting back from my photographic tour. It's a good movie, but not as good as "Happy Gilmore".
Maybe I should be getting back to learning how to do threads and sockets in c++ (ohh, and then ssl too, wish me luck)

Ohh, and I changed my timezone to CET now, so that the post times will properly reflect when I'm writing this stuff. Most of it seemed to originate form the middle of the night, so I saw it fit to change it.

If you want to see any of my pictures, drop me a line (via a comment or whatever, open to everybody). Or I might join hello, I haven't decided yet, Picasa2 rules!


Well, nothing much happening today, it would seem.
I've spent some time looking at my pictures in picasa, and I must say, I'm impressed.
ACDSee Classic (and the versions before it) has always been my image viewing tool of choice, but now I might have to revise that. Picasa has an UI smoothness over it that's just unrivaled. I head people say that iPhoto is nice, but I don't have a mac, so it's really of very little interest to me.
The one and only online community that I'm a member of finally came back online today, after what seems like 3 weeks of downtime, based on the dates of the posts I was responding to.
It's good. It helps me keep track of likeminded individuals, and also what parties are happening around where I live.
I've always been a vocal adversary of "the community people", a.k.a the lunarstormers, that jumped on the bandvaggon some 5 or so years ago, when communities were all the rage (they apparently still are). I found it bad in almost every sense. Most communities I hear about (I have a sister who's 16, guess where I get the info from) are little more than glorified dating services and gossip boards. I really have no idea where I'm going with this, only that I have previously found these online communities (not to be confused with communities who are online) to be stuff that those of lesser minds dabbled in. I have, however, been sucked in by the lure of getting new friends in a new city. I chose carefully, and I'm now a member of a community that atleast bases it's existence on something I like, namely electronic music, and its followers, or listeners or producers. People I suppose. mom and dad will tell you to "get off the computer", for they fear that what you're interacting with is highly artificial, and that you should go out an be with friends, and meet real people and whatnot. What mom and dad (moms and dads from all over the world, I might add) don't get, is that the interaction online is by and with very real people, just on the other side of their computer screens. I suppose the downside is you don't get as much fresh air as riding around the 'hood with your friends, but then again, mom doesn't have to clean the grass stains from your clothes, and dad doesn't have to come bail you out after you get in a fight, or break into a house, out of sheer boredom.

People have always had visions about the future. Flying cars, computers that talk back, robots that do the household chores. I don't think, however, that anyone quite expected the internet revolution, as it came to be. Enslaving the youth and whatnot *insert diabolical laughter here*.

I'm sitting down with a pile of C++ tutorials. I'm hoping to produce some software with one of the worlds most widely used languages. I have written c and c++ before, but lately, I've concentrated nearly exclusively on Java and C#, two very wonderful languages (even though C# has some flaws, and is missing a proper SSL library). We'll see where that takes me I guess. Hopefully to a piece of working software, but you never know. I have thus far only put one project on ice, but I might resume that at a later date.

I would never have had the idea to sit down and write this piece of software, or the others that I have written, nor would I have had as ample opportunity to learn the skills that I needed to write software, had I not been a child of the internet revolution. Ofcourse, the older people will claim that the revolution started much sooner, and I suppose they would be right. I mean the internet has been around for ages, but in it's current form, I'd like to say that it's only been around for roughly 10 years, give or take. My point is, I'm I would not live the life I have now, had it not been for the advent of computers, and the need for people who know how to handle them outside writing letters to their grand children in Word.

I don't know if this makes much sense, but due to the lack of anything with real content to write, I took the path of starting one sentence, and letting the rest just flow out of me. It's great way to fill pages with what sometimes comes out as pure nonsense, but it's also a way to hone your writing skills, your grasp of the language, and ofcourse, with my new keyboard, how to write while keeping your eyes on the screen.

I have no plans of becoming an author, but I still love to write. I think that might be why I started this blog in the first place. Just to have a place to collect my thought, and an outlet, other than notepad.exe to put my thoughts.

It's getting close to dinner time. I figure today should be a nice day to take some pictures, so I might just grab a bite to eat and then go out to the beautifully landscaped cemetery on the other side of the highway. Solemn places always make for good introspection. If they are also beautiful, it soothes the soul. I'm not religious in any way, and for all I care, that cemetery could have been a nice flower garden, but since it's not, I'll just take what I'll get.
Stay tuned for the possibility of some pictures showing up. I love taking pictures. I wish I was a better photographer though, and that I had a "real" SLR camera. Ofcourse, real photographers know that it's not the camera that makes the picture (other than in an actual, physical sense), but the photographer, and his/her eye for how light works and what to take pictures of. That's why I will not spend a buttload of money on that nice new Nikon D50 or D70s, because I can neither afford it, nor justify it, as I would have to become a better photographer first, and as we know by know, it's the photographer that takes the pictures, not the camera.
This, I can tell you, doesn't sit well with being a gadget freak, but since I'm a fairly poor freak, I'll make do.

So, I'm waiting for the light...


I suppose picasa2 and hello make an excellent couple, but before I'm more acquainted with them, I'll use imageshack.
This is what I did to my keyboard one day after having been inspired by this post via hackaday.com:
Image Hosted by ImageShack.us

Now I pretty much have to learn how to type without looking at the keys.
Not that I didn't do a fairly good job before, but I find that I usually don't have a problem typing without looking. Ofcourse, with long winding texts, it's not a problem. But with short bursts of irc or IM conversation, or when writing code, it's not as easy.
And you really have to have your fingers in check. Slouching just will not do.

Also, I coaxed my friend into moving to blogger.com, and I'm looking forward to reading her stuff. She's right here.

When I checked my mail (the real kind) today, I had one copy of The Thomas Crown Affair waiting for me from the wonderful play.com.
I watched the 1968 version with Steve McQueen on tv just the other night, and came to the conclusion that not only is the 1999 version with Rene Russo much better, but Rene is a much more beautiful woman than Faye Dunaway. Therefore, one of my alltime favorite movies now resides in my bookshelf. I know I'm supposed to be a poor student and whatnot, but buying one movie for like €9 isn't like buying a dvd boxset för €40.

More stuff will follow.


Is it just me, or do alot of the bloggers, atleast on this service, come from singapore?
Or atleast have some connection to the country, because it seems like every other blog, that isn't pure banner space or porn ads, is either written by a singaporean, or references one.
I love Singapore, it's a wonderful place, and I've had the privilege of spending alomost a week there, and I loved every minute of it.
Maybe the randomizer of whatever it is that allows me to cruise around here via the "next blog" button has me pigeonholed as a certain category of man (whatever category that might be), or I might just be seeing patterns that aren't there.

I finally got to sleep around 2 last night. Just after a monster episode of Oz. I believe it was the season premiere of s02 or s03, the investigation about the riots that ended the previous season.
I think I've watched almost all of Oz probably 3-4 times atleast.
When one channel gets through airing all 6 seasons late at night, another one takes up the torch and starts at the beginning.
It's a really great show actually. It's nice to see that people who become major players in important storylines in season are actually there in various "people scenes" in Emerald City in the very early episodes. Which indicates to me that the producers either planned all the storylines out from the beginning, and did one hell of a casting job, or they just decided to run with the people available, and hope that the people they hired as extras could also act.
Either way, they did a spectacular job. At one point, one of the channels aired the two first seasons of "The Shield". Also a very good show. I just wish they'd pick up where they left off and show us the rest of the material.
Being the geek that I am, with no real schedule during the school semesters, I watch alot of late-night tv. It's wonderful how channels just decide to air whole shows, back-to-back, one (or more) episodes per day (or evening, night really), with no or very show commercial breaks. It puts a whole new perspective on watching a show, since you get alot more continuity than having to wait for an episode for an entire week. I'd preferr it it they showed, for example, Star Trek - TOS and TNG instead, but I'll take what I get.

Two summers ago, they aired three episodes per week of "West Wing", one of my alltime favourite shows. To help peopel catch up for the new season that was going to premiere in the fall. Those were the good ol' days. Also, they've run "Band Of Brothers" marathons the last two summers aswell. And sometimes during the semesters, they throw one in. Now THAT'S a show worth owning on DVD. I believe that together with "West Wing", "Band Of Brothers" (Although a mini-series), are the best shows ever produced for television. There are other very good shows, but none of them can really measure up to these two. If I wasn't this dirt poor student, I think I'd have a couple of more DVD-boxes in my shelf.
Regarding the "West Wing", I believe that anything Aaron Sorkin has a hand in pretty much has to turn out spectacular. The policital commentary on the state of US politics today (jumping from one issue to another) will have to come later, if it'll come at all. "The" Freedom of speech, even tho I'm not an American, isn't what is used to be.

Waking up late, translates to a late breakfast I guess and since it's almost two in the afternoon here, I had better get one it.
Stay tuned for whatever might form in my head.

Until next time, ta ta..

Monday, June 06, 2005


I find that I might have alot more to write about than previously imagined.
I suppose that venting in a way like this, where there just might not be anyone on the other side to have opinions (informed or otherwise) about what you're talking about feel very refreshing.
I suppose one could read blogs and comment on other peoples input and lives day in and day out, but I fear that should consume way too much of my time. Time, I might add, that now has gotten more scarce. You see, I've got a new job.
(Yeah, I know, I couldn't hold off telling you, well my bad for being inspired on this the day of my daughters wedding. *cough* The first day of my blog that is...)

When I'm not going to school during fall, winter and spring, I have, for the last 2 years, worked as a button monkey at a theme park. And it's not one of those you see on the commercials either, drenced in sunshine with people lauging in a place far removed from the buzz of the city, filled exclusively with rollercoasters of varying horrendousness (is that even a word?). It's more of a standing out in the rain, and arguing with parent's about why they should pay to ride the kiddiecars with their child. And quite frankly, I'm sick of it. The first year it was fun, the second year wasn't very good, and now, with the beginning of the third year, it's at the point that it's better than no job at all, for the simple reason that my rent doesn't go away just because it's summer out.
Luckily, I have friends who care enough about me to get me out of there, and one of them got me a job as his company. It's a big multinational telecom giant, I would say, but I'm doing some computer management stuff, which I'm quite content with. It is, after all, something more along the lines of what I've been doing at school, and the rest of my professional live. To say nothing of having computers as a hobby since I was old enough to type. (Or atleast type actual words, so I suppose that coincided with me being able to read and whatnot)
So today I went back to what will soon be my old job, and told then that I'll be working at this other 'real' job for the duration of the summer, and could they give me the time off for it. (When the good job stops, I can still possibly do like 5 weekends of bad job stuff, for the extra cash, so I didn't want to be rude or anything. They are, after all, good people). Ofcourse, asking your emplyer to give you roughly 90% of your potential worktime off usually doesn't sit well, so I told them that if they couldn't get me the time off, that they should consider this my two weeks notice. The girl at the counter said she'd see what she could whip up, but I'm thinking I shouldn't hold my breath. I just hope they like me enough to let me do those 5 weekends at the end of summer, because I sure could use the money.

Hmm, there's really no end to the stuff that pops in my head that I could write about.
I mean, normally my days are pretty dull. I wake up, maybe go to class (I have like 3-4 lectures per week, and this is a full-time education), and then I might read some course related stuff, and then stay up and write code all night and consume massive quantities of Coca-Cola (this, my consumption, could easily lead me off to a massive rant about why sugar is really really good, but I think I might be using a little bit too much of it, according to my dentist). But when I stand back and look a bit at the big picture, there are actually alot of things happening in my life.
I suppose that if I get any readers later, they'll find out if I'm full of shit, or if there's actual content in my life.
I just love to write. I could probably fill page after page of little tidbits about my life and my opinions, and you know what? I probably will. Come to think of it, this might actually be the perfect forum for me to air my thought. So much stuff, and I suppose alot of time to do it in. Lots of space too. But I'll try not to overdo it on the first day.
I've got to save something for the coming lifetime of writing I hope I have ahead of me.

Ohh well, to be continued I guess...


So I started re-reading Dougles Copeland's Microserfs today.
Excellent book, and the diary style-writing got em thinking that maybe I should put down on paper my thought about what goes on in my life, what I wish would go on, and what deffinately doesn't.
If nothing else, it'll serve as a great template for any future memoirs I may or may not decide to write.

Before going to work on Microserfs, I'd just read Hunter S. Thompsons book called "Hell's Angels".
I'm apparently both too young and unamerican (i'm not even from there) to get most of the references to people and happenings around that time, but I still find it an interesting read.
It's what inspired me a couple of years back to get my bike license.
I've had it for 2 years now, but I've spent probably less than 20 hours on a bike after getting my license.
I suppose that's what happens when you live in a cold country, and you'd rather use your money to buy food and textbooks, rather than cruise around on a (fairly cheap) bike.

I did however have a good time this weekend.
We people of the nothlands were visited by the dj legend out of rotterdam, mister Ferry Corsten himselt.
He dished out a 3 hour set of this usual style candy trance at something called Mondaybar Summer Sessions at Mondo in Stockholm. It was a very good show, and I remember exiting the club completely soaked in sweat. We should do this more often I think.

This is quickly turning into something of a long winded story, but bare with me, there's no ending in sight. ;)

Seeing as how this is my first post, and I'm in the spirit of writing, I figure I should get some stuff of my chest, and maybe build a background here, and cement some of my personality traits and opinions and values into this thing.
Had this been 3 years ago, I would probably not have written anything down, and if I would have, it would probably have been in some sort of hardcopy book style of diary. Not nearly as exciting as making your mark on the vastness of cyberspace.
I suppose you can only make your mark if someone actually sees/reads what you have done/written, but I'm staying positive. For the grandchildren if nothing else.

Normally when I go out to a club to dance, I have very little, if anything, to drink other than water. Last night was no different, except I had a massive amount of energy in my body due to certain roots and herbal extracts (nothing illegal, I assure you, it's been a while since I did that).
This is great, and it gives you "lots of pep", to quote Jared Leto in "Requiem for a Dream", but the downside is that is does what it does, for a very very long time. I'd like to be able to go to a club, dance my feet off, and then go home and hopefully fall asleep sometime not too long after my face hits the pillow.
This was not to be.
Last time, I didn't get to sleep untill the evening after the event.
I suppose I'll have to wait and see where this takes me.
And I thought I had planned it pretty well too. I knew what time I was going to be at the club, and what time it would end, so I downed the stuff way beforehand to be able to enjoy the sweetness of sleep, but not early enough it would seem. Ohh well.

The last part of this premiere post will be regarding the new and wonderful smoking ban that was just instituted in restaurants and clubs here in Sweden. If you want to smoke, do it outside or in small, designated and well ventilated areas (where nothing can be served or brought, it's brilliant I tell you!). The main concern of the populus has been that instead of smelling like smoke, or not being able to smell anything at all really, you'd walk around something akin to pig heaven where everybodies BO would be so overwhelming that venues would have to be evacuated, for fear of massive dna restructuring of the guests due to the intense nerv-agent-like gas that would fill the premises. This, also, I'm glad to tell you, was not to be.
Sure, you find the odd lump that smells like something you'd rather not touch with a pair of pliers, but in general, the venue was quite odor free. Some spillt beer, but otherwise nothing offensive. It's great. Even tho it encroaches on the liberty of the people, the state is there to protect people from other people, not themselves. And not forcing bartenders and waitresses and whatnot to work in a smoky environment is a step in the right direction.

I leave you with this note, and hope that I will be able to get to sleep sometime tonight.
Now, it's off for some irc time, maybe even write a line of code or two. (I suppose I'll tell you about my new job in another post).

I remain, as always, your humble servant.