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filling the void

Sunday, July 31, 2005

Won't Somebody Think About The Children!

The republicans should be upset at this blatant expression of subversion.
Or, you know, whatever.
Hacked ATMs are cool:

Street Car Fest

Ok, after having spent 25 minutes on this entry, it turned out to be utter crap with no coherence what so ever. More like a point list of what happened to me this weekend, which obviously sucks, so I'll keep this short and sweet.

Went to basement on Friday. Kick-ass gig, nice 3-hour set by Jackvi.
Spent the entire day with my special cute girl ;)
Want to do that again.

Fell asleep early on Saturday instead of going out.
Woke up early (after being rudely awoken by my ex on the phone at 0220 at night) at 0800. We went to Street Car Fest (I drove my friends car, check the entry two days ago). It was cool, saw a couple of nice cars. More styling and sound than performance though. =(
Only one miata, and we only just saw that as we were leaving.
He has the clutch from hell, and the smallest racing chairs I have even been in. I'm fairly sure it goes fast as a motherfucker too.
They tell me it was better yesterday, but ohh well...

There, done.
Now: Sponge Cake!

--Markus Out

Friday, July 29, 2005

Fuck Firefox...

You know, I try to empathize with the firefox community, I really do.
I mean I've been a rabid Netscape user ever since I first used Netscape 1.0, back when others claim steadfastly that there was no Netscape before version 2.0 (how they reached that conclusion, I will never know).
I even stuck by Netscape through the 4.* days, when compatibility was horrible, and everybody wanted to use that ill-conceived idea called Internet Explorer.

So when firefox came out, I was eager to try it. I had tried Mozilla, but it just wasn't sleek enough. Sure, the renderer was nice, but I found the gui to be lacking. I've always had a backup version of the latest netscape that I continue to run throughout my trials.

I tried netscape 8.0, but that gui was just plain horrible, and the concept that things are rendered by default in Internet Explorer made me sick to my stomach.

Now at work, I decided to try firefox. Everybody keeps telling me how it kicks ass and chews bubble-gum, and it seemed to be the truth, in the beginning. But the more I use it, the more I start to find out that it really does bite ass.

It's not that it's slow, or that in renders poorly, but it's the little things. Like how the popup blocker works poorly, and when I allow popups, I get data errors from all over that domain after allowing it. It's like Vincent says, "it's the little differences".
I find that firefox probably works fine for reading news, and googling some stuff, just like IE does, if you don't have anything else, but I wouldn't trade my steadfast companion Netscape 7.2 for firefox to save my life.
Firefox either isn't ready for primetime, or just doesn't like me.
I know that if I posted this to slashdot or whatever, I'd probably have people with torches and pitchforks outside my office in a matter of minutes, but this is how I feel. Zealottry aside, Netscape beats firefox, and I'd be hard pressed to use firefox if I had an alternative.

Besides, the Netscape 7.2 gui looks like a million bucks, so why would I even change?
I've even gone back from using gaim to have both msn and icq in the same client at work, to using an older icq 2002a version, and windows messenger 4.7. They have that "just works" factor that I like.
I also know many people who swear by Microsoft Word 5, and say that there's no reason what so ever to purchase a later version. It does what they tell it to, it's highly portable, and it doesn't autoformat you back to the stone age.
It also, apparently, runs well in wine...

Well, now the spell checker popup doesn't work in netscape either. Fuck it, you'll have to live with my errors when I'm posting from work...

--Markus out


Last night was special. I got to meet a couple of other miata enthusiasts over coffee, and I must say that it was all I had hoped it to be. Here you find these people whom you've never met in your entire life, and for all you know, you have absolutely nothing in commonm, except one thing. You all love your cars. You think of your cars as a passion. Something you can spend countless hours on, and still find little gems of pleasure and refinement that you didn't know were there.

We were are this little place called Brostugan, just across the Nockeby bridge, on the way to Drottningholm, just west of Stockholm. I had some trouble finding the place, but hwen I finally got there, after all of them seeing me drive up the wrong road, it was great. I was instantly greeted as one of the flock. Equal respect, everyone on more or less equal footing. Obviously, some people know more about these little cars than others, but we were all there for the same reason. We shared a common goal, a common thought, a common fantasy. Except that for all the people there last night, the fantasy had come true. We were all miata owners. Proud of our cars, and loving every inch of them.

It's interesting to see how something as relatively simple as a certain model of a car can bring so many people together, and make them form such strong bonds.
At first we were idly chatting away about various things in life, very little shop talk, but as peopel started to drop out, the core group that was left huddled in closer together, and we did nothing but talk cars.
We ended up checking eachothers engine bays, trunkspaces, the placement of speakers, tailpipes, rear-view mirrors and whatnot. Exchanging mechanical tips and tricks.

There were some other nice cars there in the lot too. A couple of old-style Mustangs were there, an Aston-Martin I beleive, and a whole lot of motorcycles. One Harley Davidsson v-rod came in and circled the parking lot. man that's one nice bike. Engine and brakes made by (afaik) porsche.

Provided nothing fatal happens to me or my car, I will certainly be there next thursday aswell. And the one after that. I'll probably keep on coming down there until I move back up to uppsala.
They tell me they even meet there in the wintertime. usually not driving their miatas, however.

I will definately get in more with this crown. It's not the kind of almsot religious experience that music gives me, but it's an instant sense of belonging, because of this one simple thing that binds us.
I can really see how adolescents from the rouger neighborhoods end up in gangs. Who wouldn't want to belong...

--Markus out

Thursday, July 28, 2005

And the hits just keep on coming

My friend broke his shoulder yesterday. Nasty thing, he was mountainbiking, downhill, and he fell andcracked his helmet wide open and broke his shoulder. Since the shoulder is a moving part, much like the elbow in this case, he can't get a cast, so he'll have to keep his very broker arm in a sling, to not loose mobility. I can only imagine that would hurt like hell!
And no morphine either. He has to drive, and I'm fairly sure morphine comes with one of those warning labels that says you shouldn't drive while under the influence.
Hell, I remember when I got morphine in the hospital, when my stomach was acting up, and I tell you, the flowers in the curtains came otu and spoke to me, it's was a wicked cool experience.
They kept moving and growing. And the wall next to them seemed to be pulsating aswell. Much like the doctors face. (the doctor, to his credit, didn't get mad when I kept getting his name wrong. I believe he was indian, or had some indian sounding name, but I'd completely mangle it everytime I tried. I'll chalk that up to the morphine aswell. I can see why people get hooked on this stuff)

My friend, now sans one shoulder, is supposed to showcase his car this weekend at the Street Car Fest, and since he has no working shoulder, can't manage the gears. He asked me to drive it, but I won't be at home. Sadly, becuase I would have liked to drive it, and have gained dfree entrance to the show. He wanted it there by 0830 on saturday morning, however, and I'm fairly sure I'll be sound asleep at that time.

Today is Miata day at brostugan. It seems that every thursday, during summer atleast, the miata club of sweden people gather at brostugan, a famous car "hole in the wall", if you will, at 18.30 and swap information and just pat eachother on the back for owning such nice cars =)
I'll be going there today, hopefully get to talk to some nice peopel about their cars.
The forum seems full of more or less good people. Most of them seem to be older than me though. We'll see who they actually are later on today I suppose.

--Markus out

Tuesday, July 26, 2005

Friends of old

Something I find I do way too little of is relive the good old days. The times when we could drop acid in clubs and go out dancing 3-4 times a week, and still look fresh for work.
The 1-day weekends, where you'd wake up late on Friday, and don't go to bed until dinnertime on Sunday.
The weekend trips out of the country, just to get smashed and dance and have a good time.
I just came home from visiting a friend of mine that I hang out with way too little, considering he lives like 2 minutes from my house by car.
We spoke of the good old days and did some reminiscing. Of course, we had some bad days, just like everyone else, but for the most part, we had a blast.
Sadly, the people I had the most fun with back then have all "grown up" and they tell me they're either not into that stuff anymore, or they are too sophisticated or whatever.
I feel that our music is a way of life. If you're not still listening to it, there's a good chance you never got the real idea in the first place. It's not something you turn on or off, it's who you are.
You can listen to other stuff to, obviously, but you never ever give up on the music.
House music and rave culture are very much ways of life, rather than passing phases.
You can no more stop being touched by the music, if you dig it in the first place, than you can stop being human or stop breathing air...

In the words of David Duchovny, 'I might just as well have said to myself, "Tonight, I will not breathe."'
Same deal. It's that inescapable addictive feeling that you just need the music. "The music has you", if you will.

Now: Safi Connection - Adrenochrome

Ohh, I almost filled this post with wonderful Fear and Loathing quotes...


--Markus out

Monday, July 25, 2005

Been a while

I wish I could say the reason I've been missing a couple of entries is because I've been out living life to the fullest, but the truth is, I've just been out living life...
Waking up, going to work, coming home, eating and sleeping, and that's it.
Very rarely do I find time for such exciting things as computer games, talking to my friends online or driving my wonderful car (I do seem to get quite a bit of this, though)

Actually, alot of good things have happened to me this last week, so I shouldn't be complaining.
It's just that I thought that I'd have a little bit more time this summer. More time to just do the things that I want to do.
True, going home after work seems almost like a chore now, since I don't much like living with my mum and her idiot boyfriend. My brother and sister only would be fine, but not those two. And not to mention the monetary problems...

I got my paycheck today, and ofcourse, there was an error.
They've missed something like 15% of my salary, and I can just barely get by with paying rent and eating lunch at work.
No way in hell can I pay my insurance, my gas, or any money for my moms delicious food this month. I want to, but there just isn't enough money. A feeling I've been getting alot of lately. Comes from switching jobs I suppose, but still, I NEED that money to grease the wheels of the world. I hate being poor. I true and utterly hate it. I can't even begin to imagine what it would be like to be really poor...
Hopefully this money business will be sorted out tomorrow. If not, then I'll have to resort to my usual quick fix: selling crack to unwed teenage mothers on welfare.
Of course, getting paid in blowjobs rarely pays for gas, but pimping some of them out can probably take care of that.

Now: off to fetch mom at the train station.

Hopefully, I won't take as long to write my next post.

--Markus out

Thursday, July 21, 2005


You never know how good it is to have a good monitor until you're suffered through the use of a bad one.

I sit here looking at some pictures in a friends blog (and elsewhere) and I'm struck by the fact that I can't see dark colors, or most backgrounds properly.
I began knowing on my mind yesterday as I was browsing some miata pics (my obsession), but it was clearer today, when I realized that what my monitor at home had no problem displaying, with an ambient light on, this monitor at work it completely incapable of displaying.
Had this been a crappy LCD, I would have understood it, but this is a sun CRT. It SHOULD be able to render colors the way they are supposed to look. The luminance and contrast was way off.
Granted, at home I have a really really good monitor, while this at work is something I just kind of got stuck with, but still.

Maybe it's the turbo lighting we have here in the lab, but pictures are hard to make out.

I'm sure these conditions enhance terminal contrast or something, but looking at color images isn't something that works well here.
And I can't go installing color profilers either, I just don't know enough about them to do a good job.

Maybe I can tweak some settings or something.
Turn the light out maybe.

--Markus out

Wednesday, July 20, 2005

Antiblog: The Aristocrats

Ohh I am so bloggin this!

Antiblog: The Aristocrats

And this, for good measure:


Too Much Information!

I've come to a conclusion. After much reading and wanting to do alot of stuff, and secreting ambition from every orifice, I've decided to take the "stay the fuck away from fucking about with the car" approach.
I will finish what I have started on the engine block (or atleast I'll do my best to), and I'll keep washing it and waxing it, but that's about it.
I find that the more stuff I want to do to the car, the more stuff there is to do.
I want to change an air filter, there are a million to choose from. I want to polish this, there are tons of ways of doing it. I want to fix that, then there are things keeping me from making a proper decision there to. There is enough information for me to make an informed decision about virtually anything I can think of, but there is way too much information too weed through.
Also, the things I think I want to do start out easy, and then, after reading more and more, they turn out to be more and more complex.
In fact, the more I read about this car, the less I want to mess around with it.
It feels like if I'm going to start messing with the car, then I had better take the plunge fully and quit my job and school and whatnot, and spend every waking second on the car, but that's just not me.
Sure, I do that with my computer, but that's different. I've been doing that for like 15-20 years now, I know how it's done. I wouldn't even brave calling myself a novice when it comes to cars.

But then again, this could just as easily be the same kind of dilemma I was facing two weeks ago, when I went from buy to don't buy every few hours.

The only reason I hope this is nothing like it, is because I ended up on buy, and as a result, I now have very little money left. I can only imagine how much money I'd spend on the car if I started tweaking and modding everything in sight.
It's not easy either. Everything turns out to be damn hard. I WILL polish my valve cover to a mirror shine, but I'll do it with the valve cover on which, according to almost everyone, is a bad idea.
But what the hell am I going to do?
I don't much feel like buying a new valve cover, just so I can keep one on and polish the other one. If I had that much money, I'd not only buy a brand new car, but I'd turn it in to professionals, and let them handle all my shit.

Man I'm bad with making decisions. I even catch myself sometimes looking inside my freezer for minutes on end, eyes jumping between fish sticks and meatballs...

Since you can't unlearn anything, I'm stuck with all this information I have regarding the car, and now also a shitload of info on polishing aluminum.

I wish I could just be content with what I've got. But that's not likely to happen.
especially now when I opt for the budget range of the car that I want, thinking that, with a little elbow grease, I can get it to exactly where I want it. Problem is, that I want to do virtually everything to it, and I want it to be done yesterday.
A bad position for somebody to be in when that somebody uses the car daily, and doesn't even have a proper garage for the winter storage.

Maybe I should just sell the thing and get rid of my headache.
But it's so fun to drive...

I know what I want to do, but that in no way coincides with what I can afford to do.

Ohh, I don't know. And thinking about it doesn't help either. I need to put my mind on other stuff, but that's hard to do with nothing else with which to occupy myself.
Maybe I should just go home and take the car for a drive. Too bad there aren't any nice roads around here.

Enough rambling!
Will think of car later...

--Markus out

Knee revisited

My knee is going to be fine...
I was just at the doctors office, and he said that although swollen, my knee will eventually be fine.
Nothing broken, busted or dislocated, just swollen.
Apparently there are gel sacks, or lubrication sacks around where the muscle attatches to the bone just below the knee joint, and they are swollen to protect the muscle, and that's why it hurts when I keep my knee bent for periods over something like 30 minutes.
I gave me the name of some stuff to rub on it, so it'll work out.
I'm not supposed to do any heavy squatting for the time being tho, so I guess my exhaust on the car will have to say a bit smudged for the time being.

--Markus out

Tuesday, July 19, 2005

Mixed feelings

I'm getting more and more mixed feelings about this whole car deal. I'm liking the old style (90-97) miata more and more (my version), and liking the 98+ version less.
maybe it's just a phase I'm going through, but I don't know.
There are still alot of things that are very attractive with a newer car. Things like central locking, power windows and a bigger engine, but I can't help but feel like everything from the windshield and back looks a hell of a lot better on the NA (pre 1998, a.k.a M1).

I'm also thinking that next year might be a better year for buying an NB (post 1997, a.k.a M2), since the new and improved mx-5 (NC, not called miata anymore) is coming out this year.
Might change the general price situation.

My mind hurts today. I actually did some work today, but I don't think that's it. I think it's more the fact that I seem to have gotten into some kind of routine now, where I wake up early, not entirely rested, go to work without doing much in the way of real work, coming home, having dinner, and finding that it's almost time to go to bed.
I feel that I have no time to tend to myself.

I was going to play Need For Speed: Underground (I drive the miata, for obvious reasons) only t find that I left it in Uppsala, talk about bummer. I'll have to collect that when I go up on friday.

"I feel thin. Like butter spread over too much bread...", a good friend of mine said. (Bilbo and I are real close...) I think it kind of fits how I feel right now.

It's hard to be motivated.

To add to this general sense of disappointment, my grand plans to chrome some stuff for the car myself have turned to shit. I did a test piece, and the result was nothing short of horrible.

I spoke to my racing friend, and he advised me to stay of the mods (meds, head lice, french fries, I wasn't listening...) until I was absolutely damn sure this is what I wanted to do. Modding and driving sports cars apparently isn't for anyone, and he said that I shouldn't pour my heart into it unless I was sure it was something I actually wanted to do, which makes sense.

But then again, if I had exercised restraint some two weeks ago, I wouldn't even be in a position arguing whether or not to mod my car. I have firmly decided, however, that I need a cup holder in the car. If nothing else because I completely destroyed the ashtray (poor chroming test piece) that's supposed to sit there, and I don't smoke anyway so...

Also, my internet connection here at home sucks as usual. It just goes down for no apparent reason, and they stays down. It's like if the software in my router has deteriorated over time, which obviously is impossible.

There is a silver lining, however (actually there are two, depending on how you see it), and that's that I got my hands on one of the logitech x-flat keyboards (something like that anyway), and they have a key travel that's close to normal laptop keyboards. Its wonderfully speedy, and these keys now, after only an afternoon of use the x-flat, seem clunky and archaic on comparison. Much like the old IBM M-type keyboard I have that weight almost as much as I do, have has a key travel of something like 1 cm.
The only problem is that it lies too flat to the ground. I'd want it a bit more tilted, but the risers don't allow it. If they had, I'm convinced I would have "borrowed" one of the 11 we got delivered to work today that we have absolutely no use for. I've had my eye on the apple wireless keyboard for a while, since it has short travel, a nice slope, is wireless, and looks like a million bucks.

The other thing is that I found a bikers guide to polishing aluminum to a nice mirror-like reflective shine. Sounds like it'll take a couple of hours of hard work, but I'm ready to put in the hours. Modding my car like this, with no real money involved (the cost of wet sanding paper is very cheap), is something I can easily justify.

I just found myself looking at my keyboard when I type, even tho I have no letters on it.

If the polishing doesn't work out, I can always just coat the engine head in paint and say "job well done..."

Tomorrow sees the day of my long awaited visit to the doctor that likes knees. Hopefully, he'll have a remedy for me.

"You have no chance of survive make your time..."

All your base are belong to me.

--Markus out

Sunday, July 17, 2005

No Inspiration

Having many small impressions of things that have happened doesn't make good blogging material.
I think I should stop regarding this as a public IM client, and maybe get some meat on the bones of what I usually call writing.

To recap however: Basement was good, the cute girl and I are now more friendly than we previously were. Yesterday was a slow day. I managed, with the help of my ingenious brother, to find a way of replacing the bulb in my headlights without drilling the screws out. I also vacuumed the car, so now it looks nice. I've decided to polish and dress up the engine room. It's cheap, and all it takes is some chemicals and some time. I'm also going to give the paint a good once-over with some original miata SU paint, if I can get it. Fill in all those minute dots of white.

My friend suggest I write about something lengthy and mushy, something that you always know stuff about, even thought you haven't had any recent input.
Maybe I will write something like that later on today. Right now, I'm taking my sister to the mall.
Who knows, maybe something extraordinary will happen as I shop for candy or whatever it is I'm supposed to do there.
More on something, whatever it may be, later...

--Markus out

Friday, July 15, 2005

Love for material things

I'm back in love with my car.
The rules say that I don't need the frog eyes up unless it's dark. Helps both looks an aerodynamics.
I got my exhaust fixed aswell, so now it purrs like a kitten. A very very large kitten, but a kitten none the less.
I also found out that I don't have to do any knob turning when I turn the car on. My fog lights come on by themselves. This is good for many reasons. I won't forget to turn them off, and that's also an indication, since the car is originally form sweden, that whatever comes on when the ignition does, is the approved lighting during the day.
Still no progress on my busted left headlight, but I'll get my firestorm out tomorrow and solve any remaining problem.
Not that I don't want to get some low profile lights, but it's alot cheaper to just keep the ones I have.
I figure that if I can get my hands on a used front from a 1998, then I'll be in business.
I might also change some of the rusted details on my car, like some bolts in the engine room. For show mostly, since there's a slim chance I'll actually be removing the engine anytime soon.
But chromes or atleast stainless steel nuts and bolts dress the engine room up nicely.
I have so many plans for the car, but almost all of them cost money.
Stuff like renovating the engine room, and polishing the brakes, however, probably won't cost me more than time, elbow grease, and the price of some paint.

I took a look under my car today when they guy at the exhaust shop fixed my pipes, and there was very little rust underneath. Especially for a car that's 15 years old. Most of it was on the diff.

Ok, I'll end my renovation rant now. I'm going to jump into the shower. Basement later tonight, and I might want to freshen up.
I'll update on tomorrow on the basement experience.

--Markus out

Thursday, July 14, 2005


I've wanted a proper pasta salad for over a week now, but none of my coworkers are into that at all. McDonald's yesterday,pizza hut the day before that. No wonder us geeks aren't slim around the waist...

blogging on my lunch hour...
Blogger was down when I wanted to blog yesterday. An unprecedented incident.
Went to bed around nine anyway. Good to catch up on some sleep for the upcoming weekend.
Alot of people I know are going down to the fullmoon festival in Germany. Can't really say I wish I was going. I'm sure it'll be great, but I'm not in a festival mood.
To tell you the truth, I'm not in any kind of mood at all.
The sun wasn't out today, so I drove to work with the top up.
I also have this feeling that maybe I should sell my car (not even a week old) and get something newer. Something that I don't immediately want to spent a shitload of cash on customizing.
Then there's that delicate 50000 SEK limit that I set for myself.

I figure if I pay 50k SEK for a small convertible roadster, then that's cheap enough for me to consider myself the last owner. I.e. I don't have to think about resale value if I decide to modify it in some way.
Ofcourse, hanging out on the miata.se forums, I have started to get the hankering for a car that doesn't have huge air-brakes (the frogeye lights) and requires semi-illegal light modifications to run properly.
I also found out, via our DMV (vägverket) that my car has had 19 (!) previous owners. This compared to the stated 4. Maybe someone made a mistake, and it gets a new registered owner each time you take it out of winter storage, but still.
19 owners is more than one owner per year in existence.

I will meditate on this. (Not that I actually do meditate. It'll be more like brooding and loosing sleep)

I am really looking forward to my drive on Saturday. It will probably be more or less the same drive as last week. The drive up will be mostly nighttime, maybe even with the top up. The drive down will be mid-day, hopefully basking in sunshine.
takes me roughly 45 minutes up, and 1 hour and 45 minutes back down again =)

I'm also trying to change my right light bulb, because the low beam isn't working. The high beam works fine, which is odd, because they are both in the same "bulb".
The only problem is that I have 15 years of rust that have more or less bonded two out of the three screws I need to remove with their respective counterpart, and I have no clue as to how I will solve the problem. I'd be very easy with a dremmel, but I don't have one, and I don't much feel like spending €€100 on one either, just to make 2 small cuts. (Turning the philips head screwes into ordinary flat style ones).

I've tried some 5-56 to get the rust out and lube them a bit, but no dice. I got the first one loose, but the solution to the other two still eludes me.
"...I tried beating at the stains and yelling at em..."

I might bring down my Black&Decker Firestorm on saturday and remove the problem for good and install either some plastic retainer things, or some stainless steel screws.
These things ened to be serviced every once in a while, so it helps if they are easy to remove.
The tails light just have plastics snaps. They seem to actually originate in the 90ies, while my frogeyes seems to use leftover technology from the 1960ies. (Which might not be far from the truth)

I don't want to drill them out, because the lower one is in a sticky place, but I will if I have to.
Things that need to be moved shouldn't be fastened with something that can behave like this. So steel and aluminium, to some extent, aren't good sollutions. Neither, as I saw llater, is putting the screws in, and then applying a coat of paint, effectingly sealing the screws in place, with no chance what so over of getting them out.

This, along with other things, have gotten me thinking about trading this one in for a newer car.
Granted, I still have to fix the light before selling it, but still. There are alot of things I have to do, like fick the back brakes, polish my rear-view mirror ball joints, maybe clean the engine out (polish it really, it's actually quite clean), and touching up the paint on the car. It's got all these tiny tiony white specks all over the hood that I can only assume come from pebbles or small flying creatures.

Maybe if the weather is good when I get out of the office today, I'll rethink my position. This isn't the best time to be selling a vehicle.

--Markus out

Monday, July 11, 2005


My knee still hurts from the fall roughly 2 months back.
I can't wait for my doctor to gback from his vacation and take a look at me.
1 week, then it'll all hopefully be over.


I know you're not supposed to mention your visitors in your blog. How many you are or are not getting. (No breaking the fourth wall).
I just looked at my stats, however, and saw a spike of 18 or 19 users a couple of days ago.
It seems like the blogger function"next blog ->" only includes certain sites certain days.
I do get messages from alot of my friends that read my blog, and I get a warm fuzzy feeling every time I know that someone has read what I have written.
Having more readers is nice, but I can't say I expect to get many outside my circle of friends.
I suppose it would be cool if someone else started reading my stuff, but I'm not holding my breath.

I feel like there isn't enough time in any single day. I know that I have to get atleast 6 hours of sleep, but preferably 8, each night. And I know I have to spend some 9-10 hours at work, and in transit. That leaves very little time to me to do the things I normally do. And since I try to squeeze in things like food and friends during whatever's left of the day, I have very little time for things like blogging and reading comics and writing software.
I don't think I've read the comics for about a week, and I'm sure I haven't written a single line of code for atleast two weeks, if not more.
I shouldn't complain though. This all balances out with the copious amount of time I spend in front of the computer during winter time.

I'm becoming increasingly unfocused (or decreasingly focused. Logically the same, but still not).
I'll sign off now and jump into bed soon.

--Markus out.

P.S I really should write snappier. Tycho Brahe from Penny Arcade has a very nice way of writing that I wish would rub off more on me than it already has. Also I should try to end my posts properly, with if not a punchline than atleast a nice note. D.S

Sunday, July 10, 2005

Upper Middle Class

Today was a good day.
Today was upper middle class day.
It's one of those days when you get reminded of where you come from, and it doesn't seem at all like a bad thing.
I know I have blogged about this sort of day earlier, but it can stand to be repeated.

Today was "wash the expensive sports car day". It was also "take the boat on a swimming trip in the archipelago day".
Being out on that boat, the same boat that they've had since we were kids, and just taking a cruise to go for a swim in the middle of the day, brought back alot of memories, but it was also different, because we were all adults now, and there was a different perspective.

We were still the younger generation, since his dad was driving, but we were also a gang of adults, albeit of different ages.
Also, we each, my friend and I, had a nice car to touch up and wash and buff and shine (I haven't gotten to the buffing and shining yet. I will in a matter of minutes though) and we both owned them, and we were back home in a nice neighborhood, and the sun was shining, and everything was good.

I felt very distanced to the parallel universe copy of me that's, as we speak, scuffling the streets for some smack and a cardboard box to sleep in.

I might not think my parents are dreamy, but they did bless me with this privileged existence, so I guess I owe them thanks for that.

I believe that the best way to do that is to not deny my "heritage", as it were, and use the privileges that I have. Limited as they might be, they are still there.

Like so many times before, I have no clue what so ever where I'm going with this.
What I do know, however, is that in a couple of minutes, the buffing and shining will commence

--Markus out

Anonymity, animosity and Panic Attacks

I almost ran in to someone I really really don't like today. Apparently, the rave scene that I was once a part of has transformed somewhat during my absence.
There's good an bad in knowing more or less everybody in a certain place. Or, atleast knowing a shitload of people.
I'd say that most of these people, however, are more acquaintances than friends.
One of my good friends, however, has the unfortunate ability to hang with a man that I completely despise. A man that hurt me in what now seems like a previous life.
I had not seen him for 2-3 years, and when I saw his hideously ugly mug today, my heart skipped a beat, and I didn't really know what to do with myself. This is one of the few people I actually hate. I say that I hate alot of things, but people rarely get that strong a moniker from me. But this guy is just something else.
This isn't story time, but suffice it to say that I left, what could otherwise have become a really nice party, early.
I thought I had moved past this, because I hadn't been confronted in so long, but apparently, that wasn't it.

I mean I love to hang out with my friends, but there are certain things and certain people that just mess it up for me. Unfortunately, these faces of old have started to resurface from time to time, and I'm beginning to see that maybe the community moved on without me, but it didn't move on long enough. I would have preferred to be completely anonymous, without recognizing a single soul tonight, than recognizing lots of people and playing the social farce that I sometimes refer to as my life.

Which is also too bad, because I was hoping I'd get to meet another good friend of mine later, but now the whole evening is jinxed.

So I did the second best thing, got into my lovely new car, and drove on over to my friends house. We took it for a ride, smoked a cigar and played with his new surround sound system.

Two very different worlds. What feels good one minute might become a real-life nightmare the next. I do, however, doubt that life on a winding road in my car with the top down could turn into a nightmare, save for some horrible automotive accident.

Luckily, my car is insured against wreckage.
My soul, on the other hand, isn't.

If people started selling body armor for the soul, I'd buy in in a heart beat.

My mind is going...

--Markus out.

Saturday, July 09, 2005

Rave, supplemental

Basement was good. The normal Friday night, except that Linus was playing his very dark and hard goa, and I almost jumped out of my pants. I don't think I left the floor for more than 5 minutes during his entire 2 hour set. It was great. I asked him for a liveset recording, and he told me that he's been meaning to get one, but he always forgets the recording equipment when he goes to the gigs. I'll pester him about it the next time, you really need to hear his stuff, it's awesome!

Met another nice girl...
It seems, however, that the story of my life repeats itself. This one also seemed to be more interested in a friendly kind of way than a jump my bones kind of way.
Ohh well, the perpetual good friend is a good role to play. I rarely loose the people I meet, unlike how the deal usually is with girlfriends that you break up with.

Getting ready to go out to långholmen for the big party. I've been told it will migrate later on in the evening to somewhere else, and keep going until dawn. I hope that alot of my old friend will be there during the day. They usually are. I don't know if I'll continue on for the evening part though. I might go back home and tinker with the car, or go to any of the other possible parties later tonight.

Well see.
No matter what happens next, this will have been a good weekend.

--Markus out


It's mine!
It's finally mine, and I'm loving it!
I took it for a test drive on Thursday, and I made the purchase on Friday afternoon.
My red beauty. The masking tape on the right rear-view mirror is just a hotfix I did, after patching it up with plumbers silicon (and saving 700SEK in repairs).
I wanted even and constant pressure all around it, so it sat like that over night, and during the drive. I also got the supposedly busted cd-player to work. All I did was jiggle it a bit, and it was alive.

I got a chance to drive it to and from Uppsala aswell, and I took the smaller, more winding roads home. It's more fun to drive on the smaller roads than on the freeway. The view is alot better, for one, and you get to drive more, rather than just transport yourself. I kept thinking at every turn that "Man, I really deserve this!", and I do. I'm not sure for what, other than 26 years or ups and downs, and whatever hardships I've had to endure. I bought this car for my money, on my initiative, and it's everything I wanted it to be, if not more. After having graphed the numbers (If you graph the numbers of any system, patterns emerge), I saw that there was a certain amount of money that no matter the condition of the car, people wouldn't sell under. It was like a logarthmic curve. I saw that as the cars got older and older, the difference in price went down, and they all settled around a certain figure. That, ofcourse was the figure for which I bought this car, and by using that rationale, I believe that should I ever decide to sell this car, I will more or less get back exactly what I have given for it. This is based on the roughly 200 miatas for sale and sold this summer in this country. If anybody wants the graphs, I'll be happy to show them to you.

It's a dream to drive, and the previous owners have taken real good care of it. Tomorrow is my big washing and polishing day, so tomorrow, I'm getting the sheen out.
I'm also making a list of the things that does need changing. It is 15 years old, after all. Things like the rusty back breaks, and the dashboard. Various cosmetic details, and the fact that it squeaks at a certain steering wheel angle. (When you steer past it)
All very minor things. The engine purrs like a kitten. Might clean the engine-room too. Just for the heck if it.

The Swedish Miata Owners Club has a meet down in Jönköping next saturday, and I'm thinking that I just might go. It's a 200km drive, ofcourse, but that's what I have the car for. I hope I can get someone to go with me. Especially some nice and pretty girl. To make the illusion perfect. *wink*

--Markus out

Thursday, July 07, 2005


I might be getting one anyway. I met a guy and test drove his today, and dad's taking it into the shop tomorrow to verify the status of the (possibly busted) muffler.
If everything checks out, I'll be the proud owner of a Mazda Miata by sundown tomorrow.
I'm keeping my fingers crossed. And cursing the banks for not staying open long enough.
Now, I will sleep and dream of my new car.

Until tomorrow then...

--Markus out

Wednesday, July 06, 2005

squirelly stub

ott - blumenkraft

very good, must have, YES!

Another useless day

All I've done today, more or less, is look at ads for MX-5s and read forum posts and whatnot.
Just about every other half hour I change my decision from buy to don't buy.
It's frustrating. At the time of writing, I'm leaning towards don't buy, but that can all change on the train ride home, and it probably will.

The thing that makes me lean towards don't buy the most is the fact that a) I don't need this car, and b) I know what this goddamn country looks like in the horrible horrible wintertime.
Also, money is an issue. The cars I want are alot more expensive than I had in mind.
But I want it soooo badly.

I wish I could just buy the car, drive it for 2 months and then sell it at no loss, but we all know that's not going to happen. Knowing my luck, I'd buy something for 12k euro and only get 9k back two months later...

I believe that I have a fairly keen business sense, but what I don't have, in any capacity what so ever, is luck.
None what so ever. The last time I had any luck was landing this job, but the time before that I can scarcely remember.
I want this car. I really do. But I also know that there's a reason that I still have some kind of money, and that's because I try not to make insane purchases too often.
This, no matter how much money I spend on it, would be considered an insane purchase.
Much like when I went to Hong Kong and bought a laptop just because they were fairly cheap. In the end, I sold it after like 2 months back home. At a loss...

Now I'm just filling the time here at work until I can go home. Most everybody else has already left. But they manage to be here at the ungodly hour of 6.30 every morning. Shit, I mean, even if I left at the exact time I get out of bed (0600) I couldn't be here at 6.30.
And I like to eat breakfast and maybe take a shower every now and then.
But that's life on an hourly wage with nothing to do I suppose.

The more I look at ads for the car, the less I want to buy it. It's like some kind of desensitization or something. Maybe I should just not look at ads cold turkey for a couple of hours and get remotivated. Or maybe I just need to look at them at my good, bright and properly colordisplaying 22 inch monitor at home to relight the spark. This is some old ass SUN monitor, not very bright, but to room is.

It's extra funny when people come in to the lab, and I'm blasting some happy hardcore, and the people walk in with ties and look strangely at me, as if to ask if I'm actually employed, or just someone who followed dad to work one day and was let loose in the lab.
Also, I think people have a hard time taking me seriously, because I look like I'm 19 years old. I suppose having good skin and caring for it will do that to a person.
Not that I want to look older, I just want to be respected.
The people who have seen me work know that I have skills, but the people that just meet me for the first time probably take me for some no-talent assclown rookie. That, of course, is not the case.

I think I've just about served my time here.

--Markus out

Tuesday, July 05, 2005


Today marks another day on which I didn't buy a car.
They happen every now and then, and this time, the car that had caught my eye was the Mazda Miata (MX-5), especially the ones from 1998 and on.

I found alot of nice ones, and it's not like I don't have the money either, it's just that I can't find a dirt cheap one that's easy to justify economically, and I can't very well spend 12000 euro on one either, because I don't actually NEED a car, I just WANT one.

These days have a tendency to coincide with whenever I meet my old friend and his souped up Honda s2000. The fact of the matter is, that I will probably never be able to justify owning any automobile other than a cheap one for transportation of goods, and occasionally myself, in. Much less a small 2-seater sports-car for alot of money.

But I still feel that I want to enjoy any vehicle I might get. I mean, that's why i got my bike license to begin with, to be out and enjoy the road. If I'd had a well paying job and wasn't a dirt poor student, things might have been different, but since they're not, I'm going to have to make do. Maybe I'll have a dream of driving a fast car around, but I doubt it. Or even if I do, I rarely remember my dreams.

It would be nice tho...

Also, my dad has this idea. I have no clue on whether it's pure lunacy or based on actual facts, but he believes you should be able to knock of 20% or more on the list price of any used car, especially if you don't go do a dealership, and up to 50% if the car is old enough (15 years or more).

Me. I hate bargaining. I mean I like a good bargain, but the haggling and that stuff just isn't for me. If the price tag says something costs 100 euro, then that's what I pay. No fuss, and no loss of neither face nor temper. That's why I've always been very uncomfortable in tourist-trap environments and cultures when buying anything more than a carton of milk turns into a 30 minute haggling circus. I'm going to ask around and see if this (according to me) skewed world picture that my dad has is the real deal, or if he's just winging it to either keep me from buying a car, or maybe he just firmly believes in this stuff, because the cars that he has purchased (most of them costing 3-4 times more than the ones I consider) has those kinds of margins. I doubt someone who wants to sell a car for 7500 euro is willing to drop down to 5000 just because some old man says that this is the new world order. Personally, I think he's nuts.

He's always been one to say that the way he views the world is just how "it is", and not that it's his world view or whatever.
Like when I was younger and he wanted me to dress differently, he just said that "people don't like that (what you're wearing) and that's just how it is", as if the whole world had the exact same world view as he did. (And I didn't dress like a punk or anything, I just didn't button my shirt all the way up and tuck it in, I wore jeans with a t-shirt (not tucked in, thank god))

I might go at this car circus tomorrow again, unless I get some new computer hardware to play with.

-- Markus out.

P.S The topic says "Me Out Of Money" D.S

Monday, July 04, 2005


"If that plane leaves the ground and you're not with him, you'll regret it. Maybe not today. Maybe not tomorrow, but soon and for the rest of your life."

Gin Joints

Sin City

I must say, I was expecting more.
It was something of a cineastic experience, and it was very cool, but I found the story lacking.
I also realize that I probably, at certain times, sound like Mr Klump. Although he mig be a bit worse than me.

It was nice to see a movie with the inner monolog narrating bit working. Usually, you only have one narrator, here, it's all the characters.

I found myself thinking at several itmes during the movie that "there's got to be more to this movie than this". It felt like it was only bits and pieces, and not really any kind of plotline.
And such lovely girls...

Sunday, July 03, 2005


My brother and sister are going to stay up tonight and play The Legend Of Zelda - The Wind Waker now, and I have to go to bed.... =(
Sometimes I'd like to have my own working hours back...

A Trip Down Memory Lane

I was just over at my old friends house. He's long since moved away from here, and now primarily lives in another part of the country, but well all seem to return to the source, as it were, for most of the summer. He now lives with his mom, like me, for the better part of the summer. We don't meet much, even tho his head office is in the same town where I live, so it was good to spend some time together and talk about nothing in particular (although we did talk alot about cars), and just hang out. I also got to meet his girl friend who was very nice. And surprise surprise, she's also from the same "hood" as him and me, only they didn't (afaik) meet here, or knew about eachother earlier either. They looked so grown up together. They both have good jobs, and they seemed to occupy a pretty solid place in the world. I, ofcourse, marveled at his wonderful new car (Honda s2000 with me performance stuff that you could possibly imagine) and their bikes (scott full-suspension bikes that cost more than twice what I paid for my first car), and we took the car for a ride. I had a wide boyish grin all over my face from the moment i squeezed into the racing seats.

As we were out there driving, and subsequently when we later collectively walked the dog, we got to reminiscing about the times we had spent together as young children and teenagers, and what this place that we had grown up in really was like. We reached the conclusion that we come, indeed, from a very nice little place in the world. Very still, serene, lush and wonderful. It's not like we grew up in a protected environment or anything, but it dawns on me now that I probably had it better than alot of other kids during that time.

I don't mean to brag either, but when you return to a place like this after not having lived there for a few years, you start comparing it to the world, and the other places you've been, and you start to see things that you didn't know were there. You start to realize that maybe it wasn't as bad as you had once thought. Ok, I never claimed I had it bad growing up, but I don't think I saw the place where I lived for what it really was. My parents, however, have not grown a single bit on me as I have gotten older. They still act like I described in my previous post, and always have.

We walked around the neighborhood and talked of what we used to do, and pointed out all sorts of interesting tidbits to his girlfriend, who had grown up about 1 kilometer from where him and I grew up.

This revelation that this, the place of my birth, was alot more than we had previously imagined it to be, had stuck me and my brother earlier aswell, driving back through the roads we know so well. I almost think that, had there been no other cars around, i could have driven home with my eyes closed.

I also realized who I'm writing this for. Atleast there kind of personal entries. It's not just for the reasons I've mentioned before (jokingly prove to people that I do have a life, and attracting some kind of readership, because I don't really write on any special subject), but it's also just as much for me. I write for me so that I can reflect on the progression of my life. I write for me so that my writing can improve (something both you and I will be grateful for).

I write software aswell, and in many ways, writing software and writing literature is very much the same, but when you're writing software, you constantly go back and refine what you've written. Refine. Revise. Re-write. Redo. Software is more of a constantly evolving and mutating beast than the stuff I write here. My blog writing evolves, as does my life. My software evolves too, but in a different manner.

These ramblings really don't fit anywhere. Maybe I should just call them MindBites(tm). Much like the consciousness file one of the lead characters in MircoSerfs keeps on his powerbook. What the computer would think, if it'd had a mind of it's own.

Recorded, for your viewing pleasure.

--Markus out


Ok, so that didn't play out as I had hoped.
I have gained one reader, but that's about all that's come out of this situation. Now that she reads what I'm writing, I suppose I should modify my content, but I set out to use this as a forum for what I thought, so I will not censor myself...
Thinking back, I don't know what led me to believe that there might be something there, other than a fools hope that if I build it, they will come... (If I ask people out, eventually, someone will have to say yes). Regarding the censoring, we'll still stay the same kind of friends we were before this whole debacle, so I guess I'll spare you the details. I just hope that when we meet again, every thing will be just as it was the last time we met. Obviously, there will always be this little bit of information in the back of our mind that tells us that something happened. Words cannot be unsaid, nor thoughts unthunk.
This will not turn into a tirade, so I'll stop right here.

I just wrote one of the longest emails I have ever written to my friend that's moved away. It started out short, but now, in its fourth (or so) iteration, we're sending eachother, what can only be classified as, essays. (wow, lots of commas there, don't write like you talk).
It's alot of fun tho. Expression via the written word is something completely different than via voice. Much like expression via music, it holds a different dimension. The ability to drive a point home without getting sidetracked is nice. I also find that now that I have no more letters on my keyboard, my writing speed has increased alot. When I don't have the ability to look down at the letters anymore, I can concentrate on the content more, and I find that my typing speed is up to how I'd probably sound vocally if I was explaining something to a preschooler...
I just got so carried away when writing this email. The letters and digits just flowed out of me like a stream in springtime. It feels really good to write. I have done this once before, when I was tired and listening to music and about to go to bed. When you start writing, and get up to a certain speed, no matter what you're typing, the content just kind of flows in by itself. Like in "Finding Forrester", with Sean Connery. You start with someone else's word in a paragraph, and before you know it, you've written ten pages of your own, without even thinking about it. (I also got complimented on my english writing skills last night, which was cool. And from a person with much more editorial skill than myself, none the less. I think there was a question about where I had learned all this (since it's not my native tongue), but it got lost somehow... The answer atleast.

This kind of immersion, I think, might be my way into writing properly. Of course, with my previous experiment, the result was only so much garbage, but it felt really good to write.

And now, I've lost it. Damn it, what is it with family members?!
I sit here with my headphones on, typing like there is no tomorrow, and they come in and talk to me about totally unnecessary things, non-sequitur like you wouldn't believe. You'd think that after 26 years, they'd learn to see when I'm doing something and not just fucking about. My parents especially, they have no fucking tact WHAT SO EVER!
Sure, I'm living with mom for the summer while I'm working, but that doesn't mean I relinquish my private live, just because she's paying for dinner!
I fucking hate it! It's like whatever they have to say, no matter how useless, is always more important than what I'm doing at the moment. Like the other day, I'm in the bathroom, shaving, stark naked, just out of the shower, and my mom thinks this is a great opportunity to change some liquid soap or whatever that we have in the bathroom. She has ALL FUCKING DAY to do this, and she chooses to go in there, not once, but twice, as I'm in there. No fucking sense of privacy. No wonder this world is going to hell in a handbag with people from that generation pulling the strings. If it's one thing that gets me riled up, it's the horrible social skills that my parents (and probably all parents) have. It's like they have no inner monologue. "Wow, this now has sound" (the computer beeped), "I wonder where this goes", "what shall I make for dinner tonight", "I wonder when work starts tomorrow". If we were engaged in a conversation, this would be ok, but just walking around the house talking to herself can be mighty annoying when you're trying to do something. Be it type up an entry, like today, or watching a movie.

I remember a few years back, I was home alone, watching "I am Sam". A beautiful film with alot of emotion. Dad comes home, and starts just fucking about in the kitchen, trying to talk to me from the other end of the house, expecting ofcourse for me to drop whatever it is I am doing (even if it had been open heart surgery) to come and listen to his mindless ramblings.
I have being interrupted. All these interruptions are enough to make one mad, mwihahah. Go now, and leave me to my work... (So I might have played more than my fair share of Diablo I & II).

Ok, the stream of words are gone, I might aswell pack it in for this entry.

Out throwing a frisbee around today in the field with my brother and two of his friends. That's going to be my contribution to the human race today.

Yeah, not my best post with regards to composition. I could always write, but composition wasn't something I was ever very good at. Will have to work on it.

-- Markus out.

Saturday, July 02, 2005


Can the parties we go to these days still be qualifies as Raves?
When I think of a rave, I see a big, preferably dirty, venue, high ceiling, no bar, and lasers. Lots of lasers and light, and the party doesn't stop until midday the next day.
Clubs are different. Even though they play the same music, the atmosphere isn't the same. Less ecstasy in the clubs (ok, probably more pills in the clubs, but less of the real thing).
A rave to me is something like mayday. Thousands of people, djs on pills, good times all around.
Granted, I started listening to a lot of the older stuff, from early to mid 90:ies, so my perspective might be a bit skewed.

I also know, from talking to organizers, that calling something a "rave" yields lower success when talking to venue owners, or getting the proper permits from the police (Did you know you need a special permit to have dancing? Which is different from the one you need to play music. Madness).

So, the club I went to last night, basement, was a lot better than it had been on the previous occasion in that venue. The music was better, and so was the spirit. Sure, there were fewer people, but a lot of the people that showed up were from the "core" of ravers in Uppsala, which made for a completely different setting than the one you'd get if you'd be sharing a venue with 50% preppers and socialites. Good music, good lights, better backdrops, good people. All in all a very good night.

The amount of people showing up will be a problem in the future though. I spoke to Berre, the organizer, and he said that if the turnout continues to be this meager, they'll have to about the club streak in mid backstroke, as it were, because of dwindling sales, and the venue owners refusing to foot the bill in form of loss of bar sales.

Sadly, that's what it all comes down to, I've come to realize. The venue owner will pick the club or happening or client that he thinks will do the best job of filling his or her bar. Nobody will take on a bunch of AA kids(people), because they will simply not fill the register at the bar. Nor will ravers. Atleast not to the same extent as your average socialite. It's understandable, but still sad.

I suggested to him that an "Old School Night" would fix all his problems. Historically speaking, when basement announces that they'll have an Old School Night, the turnout is much higher than on virtually any other night. Also, he told me, he's been dying to put one together, for the music if not for the people.

We also spoke shortly of the LÃ¥ngholmen parties here in Stockholm, held by the Socially Hazardous crew. It's been a long standing and well renowned party series in Stockholm. Previous years, they've gotten alot of weekend permits from the police, but last year they only got four, and this year two. Sadly, I missed the last one (two weeks ago), but I'll be damned if I miss the next one (one week from now, on saturday the 9:th).
Not only is the atmosphere and the music good, but you tend to run in to every friend you've ever met somewhere on the Sweden rave scene. It's almost like an annual reunion. People who really life for this stuff congregate and have a good time. People bring picnics, beer, dogs. people even bring their little children. It's more of a hippie-like movement with earthier tones and older people than a rave even with 16-year-olds with UV-reflective clothing and spiked hair. I like to lump myself in with the previous crown, rather than the latter, even tho I know I have, at one time or another, belonged to the former. But I'm older now, so it's more or less a natural progression.

If you're in the area, and have next saturday free (from 2 pm or something), I suggest you head on down and enjoy the festivities.

--Markus out

Friday, July 01, 2005

Bad Form

When re-reading my post from yesterday, I realize that it probably sounds like I have another equal option, but I don't.
Never the less, equal options are hard. The option as such was whether or not to do this.
Ohh Well

Markus out