I'm Ready

I'm ready for my life to go on.
I'm ready for the life I'm living now to be complete so that I can move on to the next phase of my life (whatever that turns out to be). Right now it only feels like I'm going through the motions. There's no real joy in what I do (even though it is fun), and I feel like it's all just a means to an end. It's a very annoying state to be in. Motivation is low, and the sense of accomplishment when something actually happens is met with, at most, a "meh"...
I don't know what life holds for me on the other side of my M.Sc. degree, but I feel like I need to get there. I've been in school since 2001, and it's about fucking time I got out. I need to start living the real life, making money, having freedoms, rather than just waiting to be judged by people who can choose to hold up my life at their whim.
There's no doubt in my mind that I'll make my deadline (more or less, anyway), and that I will actually get out, but it feels like if that day could come sooner rather than later, I would be a happy Markus.
Here in Holland, more than anywhere else, I get the feeling that one day is just exactly like the other. Nothing ever changes. The hamster wheel is ever present, and nothing I do or say will make the view from inside the mental cage that is my reality change. Having been on the other fence, having had a job and things to do, I know that all life isn't like this. I know that it is actually possible for it to be different. In fact it is possible for it to be very different, but "different" isn't a word that is very common here in the Netherlands. I think people here are afraid to stand out. They think that if they do, they will be rejected by society, and their life will turn to utter shit. In a way, I think they are right. When you live in a society where you are afraid that people will judge you for a certain thing, then you are bound to judge people for that very same thing yourself. As a result, there is very little spice and color in everyday life in my current world, and I think it is dragging me down with it. It makes me sad, but most of all it makes me apathetic.

The Winter is Coming

I look outside my window today and it looks like an absolutely gorgeous day. Nary a cloud, and the sky is blue.
Looks can be deceiving, however, because I know that it's fucking freezing outside. I got the brunt of the mummy's wrath when biking home from my girlfriend's house earlier today.
I snipped this from the BBC online weather service (if you're from the BBC and you don't like this, just tell me).
As you can see in the "Summary" column, we're in for some nice weather. What's deceptive about this is the ghastly nighttime temperatures. As you can see, circled at the bottom right, is the -3 degrees C we will have on Monday night.
Last winter I experienced a grand total of 2 or 3 days with temperatures below 0 here in Enschede, and none of them were in the middle of October. I've got a bad feeling about this. The dutch say that this summer has sucked, so I can only assume that means that we're in for a shitty winter too.
Why ohh why can't I just live in a beach hut somewhere?...

I feel it in my fingers, I feel it in my toes.

But alas, love is not all around, but rather winter is. Some people like winter, I don't. I especially don't like winter when our hot water heater that heats the water in our taps and the radiators in our rooms, is on the fritz. I can generally feel the defects coming, like the fast onset of arthritis. My fingers go stiff and numb, my typing speed goes way down, and my toes go cold.
This wouldn't be that much of a pain if it happened, say, once a month, or perhaps even more seldom, but when it happens once a day on good days, and several times a day on bad (ohh how many times I've walked down to the kitchen in nothing but my towel to kick it back in to shape so that I can take a shower, and I'm not the only one who's done it).
For some reason that I can't figure out (frugality or continental europe-ness) the dutch only have 1-glass windows in their houses. This isn't a problem if it's about 25C every day, but when the temperatures start falling to 15,10,5 and 0, it really becomes a terrible thing. Not only is it cold, but it brings the heating bills up a lot, since more heat is dissipated through the windows, and more energy is required to warm the house.
Knowing the dutch, however, I doubt that they actually crank up the heat when needed, they just suffer in silence, being warmed inside by the fraction of a cent they are saving.

It's such a nice feeling to be able to use your hands and feet to their full capacity. I can't imagine what it would be like to be old in this country.

In other news, I'm currently reading about game theory and Nash equilibria in connection to the interaction between agents in a multi-agent system. All very cool stuff.
Now if you'll excuse me, I'll go back to freezing my nuts off and kicking the heater back in to operation.

(Hah, it turns out that I already had a label for "cold". Maybe this is a topic that I talk about often!)

Dance Valley 2007

I can't exactly remember how it started, but in the end, I went to Dance Valley 2007 on Saturday with some friends from Sweden, one of which lives here in Holland right now. The cool thing about dance valley isn't so much its enormous size, but the fact that the whole spectacle takes place during the day.
The gates open at 10 and close 13 hours later at 23. As any party animal will tell you, 13 hours of partying, especially intensive dancing situations like this, is not for the faint of heart. We arrived, after much ado, at around 2-3 o'clock. This meant that we only spent a little more than half of the opening hours participating in the event. If was a lot of fun though. The sun had decided to come, the people were great, and the atmosphere was completely electric.
If you haven't already, I really recommend that you try it some time. I can also say from experience that Dutch parties are better than English parties. They're both filled with ugly people, but at least here in Holland, there's a possibility of finding people that actually look human. Most British people I've met all over the world, at least from ages 50-ish and down look like complete dogs, and they act out the role to perfection. The atmosphere is generally more colloquial at Dutch parties too, I feel.

If you can't make it to the big events, make sure you help our your local organizers by showing up at their smaller parties, outdoor and in, and enjoy the music and give a helping hand.

The Dutch

It my limited knowledge of dutch is correct, then someone just found a frozen human thumb in their brussel sprouts. I was watching the news, and I interpreted what they were saying. disgusting.

Speaking of the news, that shit doesn't end. I was watching the rock on tv, and the commercials followed by news comes on. That was roughly 45 minutes ago, if not more, and I can still hear it going on in the background.

Trance Energy

I went down to the Free Record Shop yesterday and got my tickets for Trance Energy 2007.
I have friends coming down from Sweden, and possibly Denmark as well.
I haven't gone to an arena trance event in a long time, and it's going to kick ass.
Just a little over two months left, at the Jaarbeurs in Utrecht here in Holland.
Going to be a blast. You should come down and join us!