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filling the void

Tuesday, August 16, 2005

I want more. I NEED MORE!

I never stop to look up at the stars anymore.
I just got home from seeing a dear old friend of mine. As I got out of the car, I noticed that the starts were out. Lots of them, filling the sky like splattered white paint on a black wall.
It came to me that I probably spend too much time worrying about life, and doing the mundane things that we all do every day, than actually living it.
Nights like these (had it been a wee bit warmer, preferably) should be spent outside, under the stars, in the good company of friends, with some good music and good times.
I shouldn't be going home on automatic just so I can get my six hours of sleep before I have to go up to get to work in the morning.
We have so very little summer here in Sweden, that unless you have June through to August off from work or school, you never have the time to simply enjoy life.
Too much time is spend in toil, fighting your way through snow up to your knees, just to get to school, and then you do it over and over again, ad infinitum.
In the immortal words for Ferris Buler, "I've said it before, and I'll say it again. Life moves pretty fast. You don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it."
And that's exactly how I felt when I got out of the car tonight.
I'm not living life to the fullest. I'm not stopping and looking around. Life is moving me by at an increasing pace as I grow older, and there isn't a damn thing I can do about it.
I would love, for example, to NOT have to go to bed fairly soon, to be able to get up for work. I would love to just throw together a spontaneous party, under the skies, with a bunch of like minded individuals, and just screw the consequences.
Now, I know that there are outdoor parties, lots of them, virtually every weekend here in Stockholm, but with the lousy weather we've been having, it hasn't exactly gotten me out of the house.
I wish I had gone to more parties, but alas, I haven't.
Starting next weekend I will do my damnedest to go to atleast one outdoor party, under starlight and not rain, if I can help it, every weekend.
Life is to short to spend it collating paperwork or sorting paperclips, or going to bed early to get to work on time.
WANTED: More life, less rigidity in how I live mine.
I promised myself that this summer would be different. That I would go to parties every week. Of course, I have not.
I wonder why I oftentimes do that to myself. Let habit and convenience take over.
It's obviously more convenient to just stay at home and go to bed every night, but it's not nearly as fun as going out and having a good time with friends.

I resolve to make amends. I resolve to get my life back on track, and pointing in a more fun direction.
Who knows, it could end tomorrow, and I wouldn't have very much to show for it.
Because of this, I'll be damned if I don't either get a new car next spring, or radically upgrade the one I have.

--Markus out

P.s. h2g2 wasn't as good as they say it is. Much like the book, its radically overrated D.s


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